Breathe Carolina - Hello Fascination
 

Breathe Carolina – Hello Fascination
Release Date: August 18, 2009
Record Label: Fearless

I must’ve been asleep when this takeover happened. The entire “genre” of techno/crunk/scream garbage just broke out overnight it seems. There was no warning, just one day “bands” like Brokencyde, I Set My Friends On Fire, and the like where picking up fans left and right. Not to be outdone is Breathe Carolina, who has unleashed their Fearless debut, Hello Fascination, to unfortunate souls.

The only thing that sets the opening title track apart from being a Lady Gaga or Britney Spears song are the mistimed screams and cheesy breakdowns. And then the next 12 songs sound nearly identical and follow the same formula: super poppy electronica beats layered with guitars, background screams, whiny vocals, and the occasional “br00t” breakdown. “I’m The Type of Person To Take It Personal” is just auditory diarrhea, while “Dressed Up To Undress” sounds like Super Mario Bros. on a bad acid trip.

“I.D.G.A.F.” (aka “I don’t give a fuck") comes across as a poor man’s Cobra Starship (which is especially concerning considering what Cobra just released as “music”). Sadly, this song exemplifies what’s wrong with listeners these days. They “D.G.A.F” about what they’re ingesting as long as they can dance to it or make out with some scene girl with skunk hair and a Jac Vanek bracelet; regardless of how empty and repetitive it is.

In fact, I can’t even go on. Hello Fascination is sucking my will to live. Every time I’ve played this album on my MacBook, I’ve feared it would engulf itself in flames as punishment to me for playing such trash on it. Breathe Carolina will sell a lot of copies, so good for them, but that doesn’t make this band any less despicable to self-respecting fans of music. It’s kind of funny how their promo ads display what kind of music this is: vomit. Anyways, I'm going back to bed, someone wake me up when this “genre” is buried in its neon coffin.

Additional Information

Track Listing:
1. Hello Fascination
2. I’m The Type of Person to Take Things Personal
3. Take Me to Infinity
4. Dressed Up to Undress
5. I.D.G.A.F.
6. Welcome To Savannah
7. I Have To Go Return Some Video Tapes
8. The Dressing Room
9. Tripped and Fell in Portland
10. Can I Take You Home?
11. My Obsession
12. Velvet
13. Rescue

Breathe Carolina is:
Kyle Even
David Schmitt

Official Myspace; Official AP.net Profile

Absolutely fantastic Drew

:appl:

Got'em.

fuck. yeah.

Fantastic, very nice job slipping in a shot at Cobra haha

Very well written, though I feel like writing reviews for bands like Brokencyde and Breathe Carolina are just beating a dead horse at this point.

while i agree with this review, i think someone should offer one written more neutrally. everyone knows that these "bands" are poor excuses for real musicians, but this review was more just a continuation of the bashing this band already gets. what are the best songs? do the songs differ much? i want someone to give more in-depth reviews of these ("but they have no depth!") despite the poor, poor genre and supposed musicianship. just my two cents.

i laughed, though!

Really harsh review that I really enjoyed reading.

Hahaha. Love it.

There are no best songs, they all sound the same. It's basically this:

be boop be baaa beep booo (electronic noises)

RAH RAH RAH SEX SEX FUCK FUCK NEON NEON RAWRA AFAFA (the screaming)

booop ba bee boob pow bam CRUNCH CRUNCH (the breakdown)

all while "whoa ohhhhh whiney vocals woowwwww dressed up to get undressed wowow whoaaaa let's fuck i don't give a fuck (I DON'T GIVE A FUCKADKAJDKKKKKKK *backing scream*)" is sung in the foreground.

integrity and self-respect aside, there's probably a decent living in this line of work - the no talent ass clown scene is ballooning, and they're making money. do you know if they're hiring?

haha, like I said, this album is going to sell a lot, I've already seen it sold out at a few retailers around town.

Did Apple pay you to namedrop your Macbook hahahaha? That just seemed so deliberate.

Either way, lol @ band.

hahhahah

I wish they did, I could use a new MBP.

what a lyricist

Brokencyde is now looking to hire Drew to write BC14

Hahahahahaha.
:appl: this and the interview. So perfect.

i'll say.

seconded.

my review is slightly more like that i suppose.

very jealous of you that you have a macbook haha
this is just bad

And to think, this album is actually better than their last one. This one is bearable to me; the last one was painful

Don't even bother reviewing this horse hooey!

This is an epic review.

It made me laugh with
Holy fucking lol.

Although, I think it's a bit harsh - epic review.

Incredibly scant in details. I realize this album didn't overwhelm you, but this barely passes for a review. Was this rushed? I will say "auditory diarrhea" was a nice line.

even if it may be shit, at least its more palatable than brokencyde.

haha wow
this is funny and probably ture

wow less than 1... i bet i can make an album with atleast a score of 1 LOL xD breathe carolina! breathe!

I was actually about to post the exact same thing. It's like he just needed to force the macbook name in there.

This cd was just terrible. I downloaded it when it leaked and was upset with myself. Each song sounds the same. And this is coming from someone who enjoyed their original works. I realized their old songs weren't amazing, but they were fun. These songs just took the fun and catchy aspects of their old songs, and just made them straight forward boring pop. It's like they tried to take the verses of all the lady gaga and britney songs and make an entire song out of those, all the music with no substance or hook.

I listened to the cd in its entirety while doing some design work, HOPING to hear something interesting, and before I knew it the cd was done and I can't for the life of me tell you a single line I heard.

With music like this if I dont have the hook stuck in my head all day, you've done something terribly wrong. I remember when birds and the bees first came out. All day in my head I was singing "I swear to god I won't stop, until, you're shakin."

Though I don't agree with you bringing up I Set My Friends On Fire into this. Granted they are biting the electronica with screaming band wagon, they're doing something different. To me that is. They may just be cookie cutter to you but I really enjoy throwing their cd on randomly and singing along to the awkward ass lyrics, and fun synth lines.

Drew you have done it again. If you wrote every review on here, I'd read them all. If you macbook goes up in flames, you'll probably need to mosh on it, you know, because it's br00tal right?!
ha.

I agree. Also, for whatever reason, I feel cheated by a review when grammatical errors make it through to the final product. Especially on reviews where the bands are already noticeably terrible. The reason is that it makes it seem that the only thing the reviewer cares about is ripping on the music. However, I know that's not the case. This gentleman's reviews are normally the only ones I read because I actually think that they stay in more neutral territory than most others.

Also, I think this is a good place to read reviews of "younger" bands records because the people reviewing them are around the same age. It makes for a more colorful experience.

hahaha very accurate description of this "music"<3
though i do feel sorry for you that you had to review this!

Lol.

nice avatar! I really can't wait to hear what Them Crooked Vultures are coming out with.. And this CD is a waste of anyone 's (with a decent taste in music) time.

Agree wholeheartedly.

WHile i fairly enjoyed reading this review, i have to disagree completely. I definetely think this disc has its share of horrible clunkers (COMPLTELY agree on "Dressed Up To undress" sounding like Super Mario Bros.), i beleive there are quite a few enjoyable tracks on this album

I was chuckling even before I clicked the link on the main page. Good hate sesh, Drew.

finally good review

this review seems super rushed, i quite enjoy this cd, i'm aware it's musical junk food but it's alright. would have been nice to have less attempts at humour and more information about the album itself.

the lyric booklet should be an acceptable form of toilet paper, because similar to the quilted texture of toilet paper, both objects have a mundane, repetitive pattern.

Never heard, don't plan on it ever. Funny stuff, man.

Whenever I refer to my macbook I call it the kenBook or macbook. i would never call it a laptop by any means. When I think of laptop or computer, I think of windows and shudder. Then facepalm myself for ever rethinking not going with apple.

Great review Drew. And I totally feel you on the whole "crunk rock being born overnight". That totally caught me off-guard. Anyways, screw this band and all other bands like it.

HAHAHA. This review is awesome! I can't stand these kinds of bands either. It's really very horrible that they sell a bunch of records, because they're straight up garbage. The problem is that emo scene kids are stupid enough to think this is good. They don't know any better. Great bashing Drew, especially the last paragraph!

I don't really get the appeal of bashing this. I realize its trite and dumb but this review could have been much crisper. I don't see the need to praise Drew for this. This was done sloppily and without regard for detail. It's so amateurish and its bothersome that people are gushing about it.

You say this like you could have done something to stop it, but the truth is that it's bigger than all of us.:-(

Win.
And a hell yeah on the MacBook Drew. Once you go Mac, you never go back.

But in pertinence to the matter at hand, I wonder when people (not us people, THEM people, them mindless complacent people...) are going to realize that there's nothing new, refreshing, or innovative in combining two or three already successful genres into one; especially when the colors simply don't blend well. If I could take a stab at it, I'd say that the mentality behind purchasing a Breathe Carolina/Brokencyde "record", or going to one of their "shows" is thus: "OMG THEY SCREAM, WHICH I LOVE BECAUSE I GET MOIST WHEN PEOPLE SCREAM, AND THEY PRETEND TO GET PRETEEN ASS, WHICH IS BOTH ILLEGAL AND ONE OF MY HOBBIES, AND THEY DRINK GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ALCOHOL DESPITE BEING UNDERAGE, WHICH I ALSO DO BECAUSE MY PARENTS DON'T KNOW HOW TO RAISE CHILDREN, AND THEY RAP, WHICH I REALLY DON'T LIKE, BUT I PRETEND TO BE ALL OLD SCHOOL WITH MY RUN DMC SHIRT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME SEEM LIKE I ACTUALLY KNOW MUSIC, DESPITE MY OBVIOUS CONTRADICTION OF THIS INFERENCE DUE TO MY ACTUAL ENJOYMENT OF THIS GARBAGE!! AND IT'S NEON, WHICH IS LIKE ME IN THAT IT INDUCES UNNECESSARY HEADACHES!! OH AND TO TOP IT ALL OFF, I CAN DANCE TO IT!!!1!!ONEONEONE!1!"

Save it. Go listen to Beggars. Help yourselves. Learn to appreciate all the good that music brings. This country still has one thing right, in that it hasn't taken away our music.

</rant>

Edit: And the political reference wasn't me trashing Obama, so don't get your panties in a wad. I love the dude. I was simply alluding to the idea that while we have the right to listen to whatever music we want, too many people are taking in destructive, infectious, and downright mind-numbing (in a bad way) "music".
Now </rant>.

Im going to find a retarded kid, give him a gun, and tell him to aim for any dude in girl pants, eye liner, and neon. Yes, there may be some unwanted casualties, but, does it really matter? Listening to 5 seconds of this stuff makes me wish I was deaf.

Ouch broski. Make sure he takes the safety off.

I picked up the new ATL disc at a Hot Topic last night. I saw this disc there too. I heard of this band, but I've never heard any of their music...good thing I got Nothing Personal instead, I've heard some bands like this and it's just not my kind of music. Nice (and funny) review, Drew. lol @ auditory diarrhea.