Depression becomes your best friend and your worst enemy
It knows everything about you, your failures, disappointments, and achievements.
It twist achievements and happy moments in ones of doubt, guilt, and regret.
Your failures become fuck ups, your disappointments are constantly replayed in your mind.
It eats you up inside. From the inside out until you canít stand to be around yourself.
You over think every little detail, from what you wear to how something was said.
Remission is so bittersweet for it bring relief, but the whole time youíre awaiting itís return, it lurks in the background waiting viciously to attack.
Only to twist happy moments into bouts of over thinking and worrying once again.
With depression every thing is felt differently with a much heavier impact.
ďits like I feel too much but I canít find my heartÖ itís like I think too much, think too much. And then I fall apart.Ē -Laminated E.T. Animal by D.R.U.G.S
It is bad, and I'm sorry if you're having to go through it. We're all here for you though, and we want to help :)
So, I relapsed a few weeks ago, and I haven't told my mom. I've told my guidance counselor but thats all. My mom took me out of therapy, and I was doing really good. I was 7 months clean. I would have been a year by Warped. And I just don't know how to go up to my mom and be like, I failed. I relapsed. I messed up. I need to go back. I need help. I need to talk. I need to talk.
My sweet Mother has a saying "This too shall pass". I woke up on Saturday -- in tears. Nothing in my life seems to be going right; nothing to look forward to. I told her "I just want my life to end". Not in the actuality of ending my life; I just wanted the pain and the loneliness and the despair to end. I dug my heels in -- as I always do -- and thought "This too, shall pass". And I waited...and it did.
I always dread Valentine's Day. Even if I am in a relationship, it seem the reality never, ever meets up with our expectations. So it's a lose-lose no matter what. I think it's easier being single, because the only expectation is that you place on yourself. And I kept my expectations low...way down low...this year. I've had 3 unexpected Valentine's Day wishes from people I had given up hope of ever hearing from again. And I realized that common truth -- when you let life just happen and you don't expect anything quite often you are pleasantly surprised. I never thought I would get THOSE kind of messages from THOSE people and I realized -- that's the beauty of life and living. Just wjhen you think you can't take anything more on this mortal coil...something beautiful happens. I read Jamie's blog today and had to laugh at his reference...Valentine's Day actually was a day to recognize Christian martyrs. Nothing romantic or beautiful or lovely about martyrdom, is there? To sacrifice yourself for your beliefs? And isn't that what we sometimes do? Sacrifice ourselves because we believe thing will never get better; things will never change.
This, too, shall pass. Tell yourself that; don't have expectations and see if you don't find joy in the small stuff. You are not alone; this is not the end of your story and you have so much joy in your life if you keep it small; keep it simple. I wish all of you joy and love and peace!
"This too shall pass" was a saying that got me through many a hard day (week, year... lol) too. Was hard to believe it sometimes.
You know what show I LOVE. The World of Jenks. Andrew Jenks, like TWLOHA's is a hero. He goes around documenting different walks of life. My favorite episodes were the VersaEmerge(good band) Warped Tour episode(everyone here should watch it, for the US, you can find it on Hulu I believe) and the episode with the homeless women. And I'm so glad the new season will be starting soon. The gambling addict episode was also good. Anyone see this show?
Have any of you TWLOHA's members met him? I wish I could submit you guys to him, assuming you'd be up to it. An episode about TWLOHA's would really get the word out more.
That's amazing that you are able to have that person in your life :)
My ex was that person for a while, but obviously we are apart now, which makes this Valentine's Day sad for me. I'm hanging in there though.
Well feel free to PM me if you ever need someone to talk to. I'm always a willing listener. :)
Hi guys! I hope all of you are having a good week.
I think my depression is coming back. This week has been tough. The urge to self-harm came back after months of feeling fine. However, I didn't, I figured I should share that with someone since no one in my real life really knows anything about it.
Happy Valentine's Day. Remember, in other cultures it's a day to celebrate love, all kinds of love. That includes friendships, family, even pet love. <3 Even strangers on the internet love.
Thanks for sharing that with us. We hope that you're able to reach out to someone in your life soon. You might be surprised by the support that you find. If you're not ready for that, feel free to e-mail us at firstname.lastname@example.org to share your story. We hope that today is a good one for you!