TWLOHA constantly reminds me that i'm not alone but this chat makes it hit home i guess. I was scrolling through the pages and read that someone is struggling with cutting but isnt ready to get help and another person who doesn't have health insurance so doesn't want to go and get help for depression. Unexpectedly tears started to fall from my eyes. While looking forward to this chat i thought i would ask a few questions and get brief responses but instead i ended up crying and really seeing im not alone.... ive been suffering with depression since 2009 and only 2 people know. Neither know how much it is affecting me. i was diagnosed with a serious spinal disorder in 8th grade 2007 and had a surgery that took me out of school for two months. the following year is when my depression started along with self image problems... now days my problems with self image are not nearly as bad as they use to be but i still have depression and i have bad anxiety. I can be having fun one moment but then anxiety comes in and depression making me no longer like the things i love. Source-less feelings of guilt and panic come.... Because of my spinal disease no insurance company will take me. They say im high risk so my parents are burdened with my monthly medicine bills.... i dont tell them how bad my depression and anxiety is cause i know they will get me help which will cost us money we don't have. and i don't want to be on an antidepressant.... i was put on one when i was younger ( i didnt even need it) i didnt like how it changed me. I don't want to be on a ton of personality altering medications..... between my anxiety, depression, and constant physical pain it gets hard to enjoy my life. I look like a normal person, no one can tell how much pain im in. No one knows about the metal placed in my spine. Im an average person except for the huge scar down my back. My pain takes so much from my quality of life and i dont say anything to anyone how much this is affecting me emotionally because there is nothing that can be done about it so i don't complain. I am now covered in streaming tears. As i finish typing all of this. I didnt know all of this was bottled up inside. Thank you TWLOHA for constantly reminded me that im not alone. I'll keep fighting to make the most of my life no matter how how hard it is to do the things an average teen should be able to.

Originally Posted by justbreathe29

I've never been to Warped/only joined the Street Team in the late fall -- but I'm gathering you gather volunteers from the Street Team!! What does a volunteer job entail? (IE What do the volunteers do?)

our volunteers help out at the booth and talk to supporters!

Never done this, it's a super cool idea:)
Just want to say I haven't cut myself in a little over a year, but I have been having the urge this week.
Thankfully for now I'm staying occupied with Mumford & Sons, Earl Grey tea, swedish fish, and
all the lovely comments!
THANK YOU FOR BLESSING ME WITH THIS GREAT DISTRACTION <3

Originally Posted by abcd_emma

think of it this way:
wouldn't you rather tell your mom now instead of waiting?

she's your mother, she loves you unconditionally and wants you to be happy, healthy, and safe.

It's more complicated then just that. My mom pulled me out because she didn't have the money. Well more like she wanted to do stuff for my brother, so my therapy didn't matter to her anymore. I don't matter to her anymore. I really never have. It'd kind of like, I'm there, but she doesn't want me there. I mean she just doesn't seem into telling people I'm her child anymore after she learned that I self harmed. I mean, I know you probably think I'm ridiculous by now. :)

Thank you though, I will seriously think about it. :)

Originally Posted by SoundwaveUproar

Swear you're like my Ap.net soul brother haha

if you live anywhere near western NY you should come out the buffalo show on their next tour. gonna be a great time

I'm just popping in here to have a place to just say something I want to shout from the rooftops, but I often don't because I'm a private person.

I'm three weeks away from the "anniversary" of a suicide attempt during my senior year of high school. The years leading up to my attempt were full of grief, occasional cutting, and a lot of "avoiding life" and just "waiting to die."

I'm happy to say that I am very happy and enthralled with being alive now. I have bad days every once in a while, but over all, I love living, and I'm happy I failed at killing myself. I'm truly blessed, and I love that while it took me a long time to realize it, I'm happy. I have done so many things I didn't think I would do--I went on tour and saw most of the country. I earned two internships this year. I started contributing for a local publication. I'm starting school again in the Fall. I've kept a steady job, and I've made friends. They all help remind me that life is awesome.

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I'm hoping someday it all gets better for y'all.

Originally Posted by composedsilence

I agree with some of the others, Heavy and Light definitely needs more places than just Florida. I watched the video from this year and got chills. I'm sure the midwest would love some Heavy and Light love ;)

We agree with you too! We're working on taking Heavy and Light on the road later in 2012. Part of our "Big Idea" for the Chase grant was exactly this. Hopefully we'll make it somewhere near you!

do you know what? it sounds silly, but i actually made my own sheets with my fears and dreams on them. and when im having a bad day, i look at my dreams and remember why i'm here. i have all of these dreams that i plan on achieving! :D

Originally Posted by twlohachad

hey there, thanks for coming :)

:)

Oh yum. My family brought me home dinner! /loved. <3

So, this is deffo one of the hardest vdays in a long time for me. For the last year and a half I have been pushing a majority of people away, started hating life again, and moved out on my own. A few months ago I was diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression. It is one of the hardest thing that I have gone through and with not very much support I feel stuck. I was wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar, and what YOU did to get through.

Me, I'm finally beating my depression<3 Now, all I wanna do it help others start to beat it like me<3 World peace comes one step at a time, right? Valentines Day doesnt have to suck! This single chick celebrated with friends!

Originally Posted by Musicisallineed

Thanks, I'm having a tough time right now and today makes being lonely worse.

It does, but only if you let it. Read this, I found it really helped: http://www.twloha.com/blog/dear-valentines-day/ I'm always here to talk to if you need :)

Originally Posted by mellyonline

do you know what? it sounds silly, but i actually made my own sheets with my fears and dreams on them. and when im having a bad day, i look at my dreams and remember why i'm here. i have all of these dreams that i plan on achieving! :D

I've been struggling lately, and this sounds like a fantastic idea to keep on going. <3

Originally Posted by a.b.ch.jk.7

Like I said, feel free to message me here anytime. I would love to hear that you are doing better, when that time comes.

thank you, I'll make sure to do so!