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Jono Goes To The Movies #1 -- "The Dictator"

Posted by - 12:23 AM on 05/24/12
We're bringing a new column from The Swellers drummer Jonathan Diener, appropriately titled "Jono Goes To The Movies", where he gives his thoughts and opinions on new (and old) movies. Do you have any movies you'd like him to review? Put your suggestions in the comments.

Hit the replies to read his review of Sacha Baron Cohen's latest film, The Dictator.
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 48
12:24 AM on 05/24/12
Jake Denning
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Movie Review -- The Dictator"The wonderful people at Absolutepunk have granted me the authority to tell you which movies are worth seeing. What they didn't know is I will not be fact checking any actor's names, director's history, accurately remembering the plot, and most importantly I will be rating the movies based on my overall experience instead of the film itself. Yes, I switched to the word film to be taken more seriously. Now that I have (or lost) your attention we can begin!


"The Dictator" a review by Jono Diener

The fella who brought us Borat and Bruno is back with a new story about a guy whose name doesn't start with a B and is from yet another country with a silly accent. Sasha Baren Coen? That looks right. I'll just call him Ali G since I know him from that.

It shares the story of a dictator of a small country hiding nuclear missiles being sent to the US to talk to the UN to settle a deal and put an end to violence between the two nations. Who woulda thunk it, but the dang guy gets kidnapped and when his beard is cut off nobody recognizes him! Guess it's time to be a normal guy and create the hilarious dynamic of a dictator having to work for someone else, let alone a feminist vegan health nut (girl from Scary Movie, I think that's her name?). They get all like, "oh no what you tryin to do?" and then eventually like, "oh das wassup" and everyone is like, "aww."

Don't worry, his penis makes a return to the big screen again. That's the best way to start a new paragraph. The film was clad full of comedians from all over the board, a large amount of them from SNL (Saturday Night Live, a show most popular for spawning award-winning hit movies like Corky Ramano and The Ladies Man).

There were a lot of laughs but it got to the point where it felt like they were trying to make 13 year old kids happy rather than people who can think. Also by 13 year old kids, this also applies to the guy sitting behind me. Like I said I will be rating movies based on experience, and this dingus made me want to slap him in the b. He's what doctors would describe as, "A loud, out of turn laugher, lacking a sense of humor, motor skills, hand-eye coordination... And a soul." I swear he would only chuckle at the parts that weren't the heavy hitting jokes then overlap the comedic brilliance that followed so I couldn't hear. It's like watching Arrested Development with a dumb person. You have to shut them up in order to get all the genius. My rating of the movie was about at a 70% and kept decreasing by 1% with each laugh until the dumbo broke my cardinal rule of movie-going: APPLAUDING DURING THE MOVIE! At one people when health care reform was mention he (I counted) clapped FIFTEEN TIMES and not a single person joined in. He's also a loud clapper. The worst guy in the world.

So in conclusion, the movie was OK because my friend gave me a pass to get into it for free. It's the same shock value formula as Sasha's other films just made into an Ad-Lib and filling the 4 empty spaces with the plot of this movie. Most importantly the clapper/wrong laugher guy needs to go back to elementary school and eat glue. You ruined the movie for me, man. Seriously, go fuck yourself, guy.

Thanks for reading! I'll be back eventually for more experience reviews and probably hating the audience.

the Dictator gets a rating of:

"It's OK if it's free and loud laugher guy isn't there. Seriously dude, go eat a bag of grenades."
12:30 AM on 05/24/12
Calvin Lauber
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Hahaha, I liked reading this. I wanna see this, I think Cohen is pretty funny.
12:46 AM on 05/24/12
Dynamite Hero
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I saw this movie yesterday. And it was weird experience cause everyone I went with said the same thing. We laughed throughout the movie, but couldn't decide whether we actually enjoyed it or not. There are some funny bits, and some ridiculous cameos but I have no intention of ever seeing it again.
01:01 AM on 05/24/12
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trevorshmevor's Avatar
Don't worry, his penis makes a return to the big screen again. That's the best way to start a new paragraph.

Dying over here
01:04 AM on 05/24/12
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brandon_260's Avatar
That was hilarious. The movie itself pretty funny as well.
01:12 AM on 05/24/12
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andrewshungry's Avatar
Lol dude, you misspelled Sacha, Baron, AND Cohen

Anyway..... the movie was much more than OK

Da Ali G Show > The Dictator > Borat > Bruno > Ali G Indahouse
01:37 AM on 05/24/12
Unregistered User
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Waffleconsumer's Avatar
Jono's reviews should be on Rotten Tomatoes! Make it so!
03:02 AM on 05/24/12
Joe DeAndrea
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04:18 AM on 05/24/12
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I like the band but this was kind of dumb.
04:55 AM on 05/24/12
awake my old dry bones.
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whiterussian's Avatar
Between this and Dr. Keith ap.net is getting some serious scholar support.
05:00 AM on 05/24/12
Up and crumbling
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blackmold's Avatar
This guy tried way too hard to be funny. He makes fun of the film's humor then tries to use the same type of humor to make us laugh. Maybe it's just because I enjoyed the Dictator and I hate when people are completely ignorant of actors' names and facts. Yes, I am butthurt about a guy making fun of a movie I like.
05:05 AM on 05/24/12
Hang 'em high or not at all
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MJSchmidt's Avatar
Between this and Dr. Keith ap.net is getting some serious scholar support.
Agreed! The first Keith installment was gold. I hope that actually gets posted every Monday like they are shooting for.
05:18 AM on 05/24/12
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The movie definitely had parts that were hilarious, one bit where General Aladeen (cohens character) changed a whole bunch of words of his peoples language to the word aladeen. positive and negative were both aladeen like aloha is hello and goodbye. So one guy goes for an aids test and the doctor says you are hiv aladeen. Not that funny on paper but with the improv actors he used, it was priceless in motion. Also, what pissed me off was the part where aladeen was basically doing a social commentary on america, where he described all the great things about dictatorship, and coinceidentally they were all things going on in america (about healthcare, the jail systems, guantanamo bay, etc) and i think me and a few others who actually got it.
05:45 AM on 05/24/12
Alex DiVincenzo
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Jono rules. Glad this exists.

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