[Seteden]

My heart beats slower
I don't know if I can drop any lower
My face comes close to the mud
My body drips the beads of blood

Reality slipping away
I fall and continue to lay
The blood pouring from my veins
Is this the price I was meant to pay?

Cut and Battered
Left for a Vulture's platter
Hated but Forgotten
Not one of the hits had softened.

I lay there for hours
Lose consciousness next to the flowers
Was this morning my last Shower?
I can't continue to cower.

I have to get up
For them. For her. For myself.
I don't care if my blood is all over the shelf.
The only sad part is, I lack the help.

Arms broken
Legs limp
This is what I get for not being a wimp
But I don't care

I have to show them that I can be there
I made a promise that I wouldn't tear.
My skin already broke it
But my soul won't show it.

There's no more room to stow it
It's time to get up.
It's time to lead the charge
It's time to show the world that I will barge

Changing it for the best
Leaving it to the rest
Those of us who are forgotten
Are those who took care of the ones who are rotten.

[A-Rain]

I like it my dude. You talkin' 'bout bein' a fighter and no one noticin' but hey, that's how it is sometimes though. being the hero is supposed to be a selfless act to help others and I see you understand that, and that's what people in general need to understand. if recognition comes, it comes but fame's whereabouts shouldn't be of our concern, the people are our concern. but I F's with you with this one yo

[Seteden]

Yeah! That's exactly what I was trying to express. Everyone anymore expects recognition for their deeds when the shit they do is supposed to be 'selfless'. If they truly cared about the acts behind them, they wouldn't care about being some sort of publicly known hero.

[TheJustinBriggs]

Pretty awesome lyrics man, it's a start to becoming a good writer. If you want to get even better, then start researching into prose and all that so-called poetry crap. It really helps man!

[Seteden]

Originally Posted by TheJustinBriggs

Pretty awesome lyrics man, it's a start to becoming a good writer. If you want to get even better, then start researching into prose and all that so-called poetry crap. It really helps man!

This is in a poetry format. I appreciate the advice a lot though. I mean, the only thing that I don't see as a poetry format is my rhyme scheme and the constant use of punctuation. But yeah, I'll look into it. Thanks! I really appreciate the positive feedback too! (:

[cut!print]

This is seriously some amazing work. What format is it?

[alexbyrd11]

really cool man

[Seteden]

Originally Posted by cut!print

This is seriously some amazing work. What format is it?

Honestly. there was no real set-in-stone format behind it. It follows that of a basic poetry outline. If I had to name it after one of them, I would say that it was a Free-Verse.

[cut!print]

Originally Posted by Seteden

Honestly. there was no real set-in-stone format behind it. It follows that of a basic poetry outline. If I had to name it after one of them, I would say that it was a Free-Verse.

Oh I was just curious because on the comment above you said you had a format, free-verse isn't much of a format, because the idea of it is that there are no rules. Either way good stuff!

[Seteden]

Originally Posted by cut!print

Oh I was just curious because on the comment above you said you had a format, free-verse isn't much of a format, because the idea of it is that there are no rules. Either way good stuff!

Oh, well, I thought that the first person, when talking about the formats, meant that I needed to fix the stanza sizes and shape or something. But, I really appreciate the positive feedback. Thank you!

[FeedMe]

very nice work

[JackyKerouacy<3]

I like this and the idea behind it.
"I lay there for hours
Lose consciousness next to the flowers"
This was definitely my favorite line. Keep writing, it'll get even better with time though I think you're already pretty good yo haha.

[Seteden]

Originally Posted by JackyKerouacy<3

I like this and the idea behind it.
"I lay there for hours
Lose consciousness next to the flowers"
This was definitely my favorite line. Keep writing, it'll get even better with time though I think you're already pretty good yo haha.

Thanks. Haha. That means a lot. I've been writing for a few years. I'm glad to see that it's starting to get somewhere.

[ScottAmped]

"I don't care if my blood is all over the shelf.
The only sad part is, I lack the help."


That's my favorite line. I really like this, it's good!!!

[Seteden]

Originally Posted by ScottAmped

"I don't care if my blood is all over the shelf.
The only sad part is, I lack the help."


That's my favorite line. I really like this, it's good!!!

Thank You!! :D