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07:45 PM on 05/07/10 
#1
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Clark
Dirk Nowitzki's Beard
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Los Angeles, CA
Male - 25 Years Old
Apparently, before becoming known as the douche music editor from Alternative Press, Scott Heisel liked to write album reviews as a customer on Amazon.com.

I was browsing the product page for Safety In Numbers' Build and Structure when I spotted his name in the customer reviews. My apologies if people already knew this, but I thought it was funny.
09:15 PM on 05/07/10 
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WhoSaidThat?
twitter.com/TiredOfSeth
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Nice Jewish Boy
Wonder what he thinks about those reviews today.
09:21 PM on 05/07/10 
#3
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IntoTheSun
my blood flows harshly
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Brooklyn, NY
Female - 21 Years Old
Quote:
A lot of promise here.
Good.
Not bad.
Booooooring.
Puzzling.
Not amazing, but good.
Not as good as the first.
Very original.

He's got a way with words, yo.
09:24 PM on 05/07/10 
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Smash Adams
Ain't no thing like me, except me
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Long Island
Male - 26 Years Old
Quote:
If Fugazi went folk, you'd have the Intima.
If Cursive went unplugged and boosted up their string section, you'd have the Intima.
If political punk bands got a college education and de-spiked the mohawk, you'd have the Intima.
If Godspeed You! Black Emperor wasn't so goddamn pretentious, you'd have the Intima.
If the creepy background music you only hear in your nightmares appeared in reality, you'd have the Intima.
If you secretly harbor affection for the Eastern European stylings System Of A Down works in their songs but wish they'd drop the metal schtick, you'd have the Intima.
If you like bands who write socially and politically conscious songs ["Blue Coffins," for example, is about 1982 massacre in El Salvador], you'd have the Intima.
If you like bands who, instead of putting lyrics in their liner notes, explain the meanings behind songs, you'd have the Intima.
10 stars
09:30 PM on 05/07/10 
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theguy77
Terrain / Ryan
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Baltimore, MD
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oh, he writes for alternative press. not interested.
09:34 PM on 05/07/10 
#6
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Yellowcard2006
I'll buy you a raincoat
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Male - 24 Years Old
He wrote so many reviews. Goddamn.
09:48 PM on 05/07/10 
#7
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Nick Le
Yeezy taught me.
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Now I know how to become a music editor.
10:01 PM on 05/07/10 
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AP_Punk
Anarchist Cat Owner
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New, Mexico
Male - 26 Years Old
http://www.punknews.org/review/325

10:15 PM on 05/07/10 
#9
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aradiantsunrise
i get what i want
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Coral Springs, FL
Male - 27 Years Old
lollll
10:16 PM on 05/07/10 
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shit stroll
...
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Atlanta
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lol i'm glad punknews ran this fucking idiot out
10:21 PM on 05/07/10 
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theguy77
Terrain / Ryan
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Baltimore, MD
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hahahaha thats the shittiest review ive ever read. "this is why ive loved green day since i was 12, check out how biased i am" is not a good analysis of an album.
10:23 PM on 05/07/10 
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theguy77
Terrain / Ryan
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Baltimore, MD
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also:

"It took about a dozen listens to grow on me, but then, that lucky 13th time, the entire album just clicked. I was singing along like I wrote the damn thing. I was playing the air drums all over again, something that had evaded me with Green Day since, well, 1994. There's no need to describe each song here. With a five star album, you shouldn't have to. The album should be an experience, not a track by track listen. A lot of people had bitched about it because there's no distortion, so it COULDN'T be punk rock. Please. This is as punk rock as they've ever been. Every song is incredibly crafted, with wonderful solos, ridiculously catchy hooks [I mean really - have you heard "Waiting" yet?], and their influences range from The Clash to Bruce Springsteen to Bob Dylan. To mix those three artists is about as punk rock as you can get. Green Day is not just a punk rock band, they are the embodiment of "Punk Rock" in the year 2000. After "Warning," this band can only get better. Is it possible to give six stars on this site, because I might have to, with their next album."

at every fucking word of that. i cant even believe this idiot was serious.
10:25 PM on 05/07/10 
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Wake Up
█▓▒░░
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Portland, OR
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Who cares.
10:26 PM on 05/07/10 
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aradiantsunrise
i get what i want
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Coral Springs, FL
Male - 27 Years Old
The world does!
10:29 PM on 05/07/10 
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AP_Punk
Anarchist Cat Owner
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New, Mexico
Male - 26 Years Old
hahahaha thats the shittiest review ive ever read. "this is why ive loved green day since i was 12, check out how biased i am" is not a good analysis of an album.

it barely even qualifies as a review.

it's also really pretty funny how serious he was at posting customer reviews at amazon. lol



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