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Arsonists Get All Girls, The - Portals Album Cover
Author's Rating
Vocals 6
Musicianship 8.5
Lyrics 7
Production 7.5
Creativity 8
Lasting Value 6.5
Reviewer Tilt 8
Final Verdict: 74%
Member Ratings
Vocals 7
Musicianship 8.5
Lyrics 7
Production 8.5
Creativity 8.75
Lasting Value 8
Reviewer Tilt 8.5
Average: 80%

Arsonists Get All Girls, The - Portals

Reviewed by: Dymytry Vance (08/24/09)
Arsonists Get All The Girls - Portals
Record Label: July 14, 2009
Release Date: Century Media Records

Okay, so I've always treated Arsonists Get All The Girls as a guilty pleasure. Sue me. I fully accepted the flaws of their work (especially their vocalist), but now I can say without doubt, that Arsonists have made their best work to date.

With their other albums coming across as too inconsistent or full of HORSE rip-offs (a few synth sections are suit for a neigh) this album evens things out and gives Arsonists a pretty decent record. Starting with an intro, “Interdimensionary” would definitely be my soundtrack if I were abducted by Marvin the Martian and company for a minute and twenty some seconds. The track segues into the somewhat forgettable “42nd Ego” that will grow to you like a mosquito (less itchy and ugly). “My Cup's Half Empty” shows some deathcore breakdowns blending into a nintendocore smoothie (pun intended).

If I could criticize anything so far it would be the vocals. They easily become redundant and seem cookie-cutter. They're not bringing anything new to the table but aren't that listenable. They're just enough to get the job done, but they won't leave you praising the new voice at hand. It's really saying something when, after three songs, you want a new vocalist to come in (and no, not the guy from Embrace the End).

“Skiff For The Suits” and “In The Empyreans” are my favorite songs off the album. While the other tracks seem to drag on and on (minus the intro) when they shouldn't, "Skiff" incorporates some amazingly catchy synth lines that blend into some gauntlet of rustic deathcore. While “In The Empyreans” seems to start out as another old Arsonists track, it goes into an awesome solo and gives you all the synth you could ever want, along with all the metal any headbanger could ever want. Beneath the screams and Mario Bros. impressions is an actual message about the death of former bassist, Patrick Mason. It's always respectable when a band can incorporate something to relate to in lyrics, especially when we have bands in the deathcore scene who just want to have intercourse with you via knife, and then stab you in your genitals when you refuse.

“Saturnine” isn't that great of a track, and reminds me too much of this Hot Topic scene more so than I find tolerable. While many other tracks have their moments, they blend into one another a little too much. They all retain that Arsonists sound, and stray from the simple formula of breakdown, synth section, dance part, fast blast-beat section, horror scene, synth, end formula. However, when you hear such little variation it's hard to keep your attention to the album.

“Tea Time Tibbons” is too normal to be so abnormally long, but nevertheless does a pretty adequate job at closing this pretty adequate album. I'm not going to rave about how amazing this album is. As I've said before, I know what to expect from this band, and I like what I hear to an extent. But it's not going to be some groundbreaking record that will sell a million copies in three weeks. It's a great album to listen to when you feel like conversing with extra-terrestrials. Hold on, I have to go, ET is calling!
 
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 26.
08:43 PM on 09/05/09
#2
Romancebled
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Although I enjoyed their first two full lengths, I wasn't really able to get into this one (due to the new vocalist). He kinda sounds like most of the other hardcore/metal vocalists out there today. I still dig the instrumentals though. Nice review.
09:34 PM on 09/05/09
#3
Dymytry Vance
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Although I enjoyed their first two full lengths, I wasn't really able to get into this one (due to the new vocalist). He kinda sounds like most of the other hardcore/metal vocalists out there today. I still dig the instrumentals though. Nice review.
This. But there were parts that he was adequate, right?
09:38 PM on 09/05/09
#4
Romancebled
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This. But there were parts that he was adequate, right?
he's not bad by any means, but the 2 previous vocalists (Remi and Cameron) were both unique with their vocals.
09:51 PM on 09/05/09
#5
Dymytry Vance
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he's not bad by any means, but the 2 previous vocalists (Remi and Cameron) were both unique with their vocals.
He's so unoriginal. I hate these cookie-cutter vocalists (Silverstein, the new DGD, the new AGATG)
10:48 PM on 09/05/09
#6
npmshah
Our Love Is Like A Song
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Overall, well written review. My one complaint: you used one or two too many personal pronouns. You may have a different view on this, but IMO they should only be used when giving a personal anecdote.
10:50 PM on 09/05/09
#7
Dymytry Vance
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Overall, well written review. My one complaint: you used one or two too many personal pronouns. You may have a different view on this, but IMO they should only be used when giving a personal anecdote.
You say that a lot. I'm kind of a personal pronounular personular person. Down with ancedotes. Down with the proper usage of whom.
10:54 PM on 09/05/09
#8
npmshah
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You say that a lot. I'm kind of a personal pronounular personular person. Down with ancedotes. Down with the proper usage of whom.
yeah. i say that because that is usually my major issue with a lot of reviews. If a review isn't up to a certain standard, i don;t even bother commenting. And if it is up to standard, i comment with the first suggestion i can think of. You can be a personal pronounu-whatever, but using personal pronouns too much without good purpose can make even the best review seem terribly informal and unprofessional.
11:16 PM on 09/05/09
#9
Dymytry Vance
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yeah. i say that because that is usually my major issue with a lot of reviews. If a review isn't up to a certain standard, i don;t even bother commenting. And if it is up to standard, i comment with the first suggestion i can think of. You can be a personal pronounu-whatever, but using personal pronouns too much without good purpose can make even the best review seem terribly informal and unprofessional.
I is unprofessional... but I seriopusly do see what you are saying. In my books and in my songs/poetry, I'm a formality fucking king, but in reviews, I like to let people know what they'd think during an album...
11:25 PM on 09/05/09
npmshah
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I is unprofessional... but I seriopusly do see what you are saying. In my books and in my songs/poetry, I'm a formality fucking king, but in reviews, I like to let people know what they'd think during an album...
there are ways to do that without using personal pronouns. For example, preceding your Hot Topic scene comment, you could say "it is eerily riminscient of..." or "the listener is reminded of the all-too-familiar" or stuff along those lines. Heck, even use the word "one feels" instead of "I feel" because even that sounds more professional. Oh and you write poetry? sweet. i do too. I'd love to see some of yours, if you dont mind sharing it?
11:29 PM on 09/05/09
Dymytry Vance
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there are ways to do that without using personal pronouns. For example, preceding your Hot Topic scene comment, you could say "it is eerily riminscient of..." or "the listener is reminded of the all-too-familiar" or stuff along those lines. Heck, even use the word "one feels" instead of "I feel" because even that sounds more professional. Oh and you write poetry? sweet. i do too. I'd love to see some of yours, if you dont mind sharing it?
Sure. For privacy reasons, I'll PM you that instead of putting it here where another 290,000+ people can see it.

And I'll do that.
02:51 AM on 09/06/09
wendjiqn
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This band is fucking terrible.
08:43 AM on 09/06/09
Dymytry Vance
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This band is fucking terrible.
Dude, you've had 11 posts and all of them have been ways to stalk me. If you don't like the music that's fine, but you have no merit yet to be an asshole.
08:50 AM on 09/09/09
piglet
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This band is fucking terrible.

Complete moron.
11:29 AM on 09/09/09
wendjiqn
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Me having an opinion different than yours = moron??
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