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08:41 PM on 04/26/10 
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xfantabulousx
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I know exactly how you feel. People think that if you have this obsession with food that it automatically means you're morbidly obese. If my friends even knew a FRACTION of how unhealthy and warped and obsessed my views on food are, they'd be completely shocked and probably not even believe it. The way I look at food will NEVER be as normal as it is supposed to be, as normal people see it. Ever. And that fucking scares me too.

I am so glad that you said that because I have never discussed this kind of stuff with a real person (even over the internet) before. I thought I was a total freak.

I don't even know you, but I know I'm proud of you for keeping strong. We might be yo-yo dieters for who knows how long, but I'm proud that you aren't hurting yourself even more. Keep it up.

Thank you so much. I've never actually had a conversation about this with anyone either. I just now back into this thread and was reading your post about wearing hoodies and picking out the right sneakers and I was thinking about how eerily similar that is to me. It's the same thing with getting on the scale; I ate out all weekend and I know I overdid it, so I can't get on the scale because I know it'll just make me upset.

I obviously would never for anyone else to feel how I feel as it's honestly taken over my life in the past few years, but it's comforting knowing that there are other people out there who understand what I deal with on a daily basis. I know what you're going through and how hard it can be. I wish you the best.
08:52 PM on 04/26/10 
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Shatter_Glass
Take Apart Your Head
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Winston-Salem,...
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I deleted it because I felt mean.

no, you deleted it because you're a pussy ass bitch, you hag.

09:01 PM on 04/26/10 
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atticus18244fss
reddit.com/r/blink182
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Sarnia/Waterloo, ON
Male - 23 Years Old
You're one of the good ones. And thank you for being nice and helpful to people you don't even know. It's a good quality!
No problem. Just remember guys don't actually like models. Society has totally effed all females in the head by making them think they need to be skinny like models. Models are ugly and unhealthy. Don't strive for that. Deep shit in this thread.
09:05 PM on 04/26/10 
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vivatoto56
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Billings, MT
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no, you deleted it because you're a pussy ass bitch, you hag.


Shit I'm caught!

Well at least Mr. Slave is skinny

09:30 PM on 04/26/10 
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pnkhrdwndr
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Orem,UT
Male - 23 Years Old
I've always had body image issues and some small form of eating disorder but nothing real terrible. It really has made me had low self esteem though for sure
09:43 PM on 04/26/10 
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ari telescope
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Southern California
Female - 27 Years Old
Thank you so much. I've never actually had a conversation about this with anyone either. I just now back into this thread and was reading your post about wearing hoodies and picking out the right sneakers and I was thinking about how eerily similar that is to me. It's the same thing with getting on the scale; I ate out all weekend and I know I overdid it, so I can't get on the scale because I know it'll just make me upset.

I obviously would never for anyone else to feel how I feel as it's honestly taken over my life in the past few years, but it's comforting knowing that there are other people out there who understand what I deal with on a daily basis. I know what you're going through and how hard it can be. I wish you the best.
It is totally weird talking about it (and I most definitely did not expect anyone to get the hoodie/shoes thing...). I've tried to keep secret blogs about it just to have a place to vent, but it actually feels nice to know someone is listening - and understanding. I'm insanely awkwardly social, but if you ever wanna just chat about literally anything, hit me up in PM or Twitter or Facebook, anything. And good luck back, stay tough.
09:50 PM on 04/26/10 
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po0ty
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Boston
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Would eating disorders like this exist without the media? Serious question.
10:13 PM on 04/26/10 
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ari telescope
kitties
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Southern California
Female - 27 Years Old
Would eating disorders like this exist without the media? Serious question.

Not that I can think of.
10:20 PM on 04/26/10 
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SincerelyMe
Long live the car crash hearts
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Stanhope, NJ
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Would eating disorders like this exist without the media? Serious question.

Yes.
10:26 PM on 04/26/10 
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ari telescope
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Southern California
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You don't think the media invented body image rules?not even just the media now, or 50 years ago. But even in Victorian days when rich mothers pressured their daughters to stay looking good and beautiful and classy and stay away from commoners because of what others would think of them. That's like prehistoric social media pressures.
10:30 PM on 04/26/10 
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de1337ed
I hope you made it through December
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Fort Wayne, IN
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Agreed.

You don't think the media invented body image rules?not even just the media now, or 50 years ago. But even in Victorian days when rich mothers pressured their daughters to stay looking good and beautiful and classy and stay away from commoners because of what others would think of them. That's like prehistoric social media pressures.

It's more than just media pressure, there's social pressure as well. Even without media influencing social circles, it would still be there. it might not be as prevelant, but it'd be there nonetheless.
10:41 PM on 04/26/10 
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timb89
Australian Music Roundup
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Sydney, Australia
Male - 24 Years Old

so true.
10:42 PM on 04/26/10 
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SincerelyMe
Long live the car crash hearts
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Stanhope, NJ
Female - 22 Years Old
You don't think the media invented body image rules?not even just the media now, or 50 years ago. But even in Victorian days when rich mothers pressured their daughters to stay looking good and beautiful and classy and stay away from commoners because of what others would think of them. That's like prehistoric social media pressures.

Pressure comes from places other than the media.
10:59 PM on 04/26/10 
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anthonydarko
Fight Milk
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Wright City, MO
Male - 26 Years Old
sucks to hear that dude...

My ex-girlfriend had serious bulimia and nothing I would say could stop her. No matter how many times I told her how beautiful she was, it never mattered. We were together for 4 years and let me tell u, it seriously wore me out. She was extremely beautiful, I really didnt get it.
I know exactly how she felt, I destroyed two relationships because of my own insecurities. It's difficult to tell someone who suffers from bulimia or anorexia those kinds of things because they don't believe it. My two exes told me frequently that it was all in my head and that they didn't care how I looked. Looking back, I regret not listening to them.
growing up and into an Indian body with curves while surrounded by girls who are size 00 has always been a thing for me. like my conscious mind doesn't give a shit and thinks i look fine, but my subconscious makes me not eat certain things or get sick after i do. i truly believe minds can be extremely powerful and i think is the reason why i don't eat the things i used to enjoy b/c my body makes me feel sick afterwards.

all the best for you dude, hope you can overcome your mentality.
I know this all too well. There are many things that I cannot eat anymore or much of because of the fear of gaining weight by consuming them. Things such as chocolate, cake and other pastries, certain kinds of meat, comfort foods, etc., make me very uncomfortable so I try to avoid them so I don't panic. I've been trying to kick that but as you said, the mind is extremely powerful and letting go of something like that is very, very difficult. Thank for the words and I hope you too can overcome that.
I used to have an eating disorder, and regret my eating habits more than anything - it really screws up the metabolism, and I've been trying to fix it to this day. Totally not worth it. It's taken me a few years to build it back up to the bare minimum caloric intake, which is where it's at now. But I know exactly where you're coming from.

I still struggle with body image, but I'm much healthier now, and took up running/exercise rather than starving myself. Definitely much happier now.
This is probably one of the biggest things I hate about my disorder, it completely destroyed my metabolism. Working out has helped a little bit, but I am nowhere close to my friends, who can pretty much anything and not worry about it. Often I am jealous of them because of that.
I know exactly how you feel.

I was really skinny as a kid until my parents split up. After that, I completely gave up on all the sports I used to do and pretty much just stayed inside bubbled into my own little world and probably ate my feelings too resulting in immense weight gain. It stayed that way till about my junior year of high school when I got put in a weight lifting PE class and lost incredible amounts of weight. After that I started working out daily for 3 years. I was completely obsessed with everything I ate and how much I exercised and stuff. Losing weight is such a mixed blessing - on one hand you're incredibly happy/proud to see it go... but then you become terrified at the prospect of gaining it back.

I think a lot of us who deal with this have this "distorted" view of ourselves. I don't have a shortage of people who tell me I'm attractive, but when I look in the mirror often times I just don't see it. I think I imagine myself to be alot bigger than I actually am. Recently after a 2 month bout of anxiety which resulted in me completely losing my appetite, I found out I lost 20 pounds which was an absolute shock to me because the whole time I kept telling myself how fat I was starting to look and how much I needed to start working out and dieting again. I think finding that out really opened my eyes to how my image of myself was completely unreal in comparison to my actual physical appearance. After that, I'm finally starting to see my body as it really is, and feel good about it. My BMI is good, my weight is normal, I still worry about what I eat alot... but I'm trying to learn to relax. I'm trying to find a healthy balance between exercising and eating right... but also enjoying my life and my food, yanno? .... It's quite a struggle... But eventually, you have to learn to really SEE yourself and love every bit of it and be comfortable with who you are.

I hope we both reach that point soon!
That has fueled my disorder for quite some time. Whenever I lose a pound or two, I feel happy and much better about myself because of it. When I gain a pound or two, this fear just kicks in and I fear that I'm on the path to being overweight and miserable again. It's a very unbalanced way to live. Thank for the sentiment and I wish the best for you as well
what type of diet and excercise did you do to lose 50 pounds?
Well in the beginning, I eat right, stopped drinking things such as soda and exercised regularly. As the pounds went down and the compliments came in, I desired to lose more so I took very drastic measures to lose more weight. I limited my calorie intake to less than 1,000 calories a day, eating very small portion sizes. If I felt I eat to much, I would purge it out of me to prevent any weight gain. It got to the point were it completely consumed my life and made me miserable. I'm not anyway close to that now, but traces of it still remain.
Yeah when I was like 13/14 I started like getting real hardcore into going to the gym and being better and better at ballet--which ultimately met being as skinny as I possibly could. It really freaked everyone in my family out and no one really knew how to handle it or what to say to me. They made me quit ballet which just made it worse, really. I got treatment for it at late 15/early 16 and got up to a normal weight. I've been pretty free of eating issues since then, however I weigh more than I ever have before and it's starting to really bother me and I'm pretty sure I'm going to fall back into not eating again. It's inevitable since it only goes into 'remission' and you're never 'cured' of it. And at the moment I positively hate my body. However, it's a very taboo subject in my family, no one brings it up. In family pictures where I look absolutely disgustingly thin, they've all been put away. We just pretend that didn't happen..so if it happens again..I dunno what they'll do.

It's rough man, it fucks with your head in really weird ways. Like it's just food but its so frustrating.
My family has not been the most supportive of me with my eating disorder. In the beginning, they felt that I was being a "baby" and I needed to "knock it off". Because of that, I had to deal with my disorder on my own, which was a physically and emotional difficult thing to do. They've since been more accepting of me dealing with this problem but the hurt I felt from them basically turning their back on me is still there.
I was bulimic for a little while when I was 15/16 and I lost a ton of weight in a short amount of time. It started out as me not eating anything for a while, until I cracked and started eating everything and then purging. My best friend and my sister found out about it, but I made them promise not to tell anyone. My parents later found out and threatened to send me to a facility unless I agreed to go to therapy. I was told by my therapist that I'm depressed too (which wasn't a surprise). I couldn't stand therapy, so I only went to two sessions. I didn't ever purge again, but I did exercise 3-4 hours a day for a short time.

In the past few years, I've gained back all the weight I lost and more, and I still have major issues with food. I'm trying to lose weight again (I have been since I quit purging), but I haven't been able to. I feel worthless since I used to tell myself I wouldn't be good enough until I was X number of pounds, and I'm even further from that now. Since I'm not at home, there have been many times where I've contemplated purging, but I haven't because I'm afraid I'll become addicted to it again, and I'll get put in a treatment facility. I went from feeling like I had total self control to feeling like I have none. It's terrifying to think that I'll never be able to see food normally ever again.
I've had these thoughts in my head before and believe me, it is a horrible feeling to think these things. I too will never be able to look at food without thinking of portion size or obsessing over the nutritional information, as well as thinking I have zero control at times. However, it's important to remember that you can fight back against those thoughts and not let your subconscious have complete control over you. Those thoughts always be with you but you always have the power to tell them no.
He did mention that he was bigger in his younger days. Bigger people can lose 50 pounds WAY easier than people who are only say, 15 pounds overweight.

I hate this. I swear, I'm not eating and working out and taking phen and obsessing over literally every part but I am okay. I seriously just fucking god damn hate that I have to work this hard and cry and fucking pain over it and drink a water with lemon while my friends get to eat fries and mozzi sticks and mashed potatos and burgers every weekend when we go out. And I'm still stuck being a good 30 pounds larger than they are. I have to wear hoodies and literally the right sneakers that balance out my (what I notice to be) gigantic thighs. And whenever I do lose a few, if I allow myself to stop it for THREE days, I gain back the 10 I just lost. I fucking hate this shit, and after 7 years, I don't think I'll ever find the right balance.

I just ate like shit the last three days and didn't work out once. I know if I get on the scale tomorrow I'll probably cry because I just fucked up the progress I'd made the week before. So tomorrow I'm going to make sure I jump back on the routine and not check in until at least the weekend. I'm sure the pizza party I'm throwing on Wednesday won't be difficult to get through. ...Fuck my life.
I know exactly how you feel with this. There has been many times I've eaten out with friends where I eat what I feel is too much or too fating and I either excuse myself and go purge myself in the bathroom of wherever I'm at or I try to deal with it and I end up having a anxiety/panic attack. I'm always worried about gaining that weight I lost so its always hard to eat whatever isn't comfortable for me. At times when I get on the scale and I see that I gained weight, I always have a feeling of guilt and fear about the pound or two I gained. However, I also think to myself that it is only a minor setback and I can lose that pound or two again if I try hard. It's easy to freak out over gaining weight of any amount but you have to also to remember to breathe and relax about it. There's nothing wrong with eating comfort foods like the stuff you mentioned, you just have to moderate how much you eat of it. That was one of the most important thing I learned with dealing with my disorder and while at times it is rather difficult to do, it has helped me in many ways. Point is, there are times when you fall off the horse, it happens to everyone. What matters is not letting that get to you and getting back on.
11:03 PM on 04/26/10 
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anthonydarko
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Wright City, MO
Male - 26 Years Old
Would eating disorders like this exist without the media? Serious question.
Of course.



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