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07:37 AM on 12/05/11
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Alex DiVincenzo
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Winter of 2011 Tour Blog #4LIONIZE TALES OF TOUR presents TRIAL BY FIRE!
PART II: The Reckoning

Hello gentle reader. When we last left you our heroes the transient lowlives known as Lionize were carefully folding their snuggies, putting the finishing touches on Betty White’s Wikipedia page, and saying goodbye to each of our prized hummel dolls individually in preparation for their winter tour with Streelight Manifesto and Reel Big Fish.

Now we find them seven days in having traveled 5,324 an impressive sounding number of miles, and performing for an even larger number of badass music fans. With so many faces melted and so many delicious melts put into faces, let us attempt to review the glory that was that first week...

SHOW 1 - Lancaster, PA. The Chameleon Club

Funniest load-in injury: Hank drops amp case on foot. Screams like a girl. Realizes it was empty and he’s fine. Cries like a girl.
Best on-stage moment: Chris notices Ben of Rodeo Ruby Love watching Lionize from the side of the stage, inspiring a mesmerizing organ solo. Ben is later discovered to be Joshua Byrnes, a 52 year old mental defective arrested later that night for trespassing and public urination.

Quote of the day: "Grapes are cool."

SHOW 2 - Huntington, NY. Paramount Theatre

First argument of the tour: Nate contends the best reggae-influenced synth pop group of the nineties was Ace of Bass. Mel thinks he should just watch the freaking road, for Christ's sake.
Notable crowd interaction: Someone yells "Freebird!" We start to play it. Same person boos.
Most regrettable meal: Merch guy Chips eats a McDouble stuffed between two McChicken sandwiches. Dubs it the "McTrouble." Is immediately ridiculed and later diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.


SHOW 3 - Atlantic City, NJ. House of Blues

Best gambling moment: Chris puts $20 in slot machine, wins $400, blows it on snow globes and crew neck " Atlantic City" sweatshirts.
Craziest crowd: Massive circle pits and unmitigated crowd surfing. Some people politely applaud Lionize.
Quote of the day: "It’s a buffet. It’s gotta be good."

SHOW 4 - Worcester, MA. The Palladium

First wild-life sighting: Chips spots a young buck peeking out from the cover of Source Magazine.
Most embarrassing moment: Everyone remembers how at that first gig, Hank cried like a girl. Hank weeps like an expectant mother.
Nighttime television: Spanish language Teen Wolf.

SHOW 5 - Hartford, CT. Webster Theatre

Biggest technical problems: Nate wonders if he could use more head power. Sound check is stopped to decide precisely which sarcastic response is funniest.
Worst case of nerves: Hank not sure if it’s pronounced Connect-i-cut "or what?"
First item left behind: Chips’ autographed copy of Left Behind.

SHOW 6 - Baltimore, MD. Ram’s Head Live

Warmest reception: Back playing a show near their hometown, Hank’s mother asks when he’s finally going to get serious with his life and stop "farting around."
Coldest reception: Reel Big Fish discovers Lionize has converted their dressing room into a "cuddle party."
Quote of the day: "I’m getting security."

Now you might be wonder what happened to the seventh day, but turns out one of those days in there was Thanksgiving. When asked about their holiday, Lionize sent a notarized letter asking me to "kindly stay out of their personal affairs." Geez. Touchy, Touchy.


STAY TUNED FOR THE PART III: Greazy in the Big Eazy. 'Nuff Said.
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