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12:24 AM on 05/24/12
Jake Denning
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Movie Review -- The Dictator"The wonderful people at Absolutepunk have granted me the authority to tell you which movies are worth seeing. What they didn't know is I will not be fact checking any actor's names, director's history, accurately remembering the plot, and most importantly I will be rating the movies based on my overall experience instead of the film itself. Yes, I switched to the word film to be taken more seriously. Now that I have (or lost) your attention we can begin!


"The Dictator" a review by Jono Diener

The fella who brought us Borat and Bruno is back with a new story about a guy whose name doesn't start with a B and is from yet another country with a silly accent. Sasha Baren Coen? That looks right. I'll just call him Ali G since I know him from that.

It shares the story of a dictator of a small country hiding nuclear missiles being sent to the US to talk to the UN to settle a deal and put an end to violence between the two nations. Who woulda thunk it, but the dang guy gets kidnapped and when his beard is cut off nobody recognizes him! Guess it's time to be a normal guy and create the hilarious dynamic of a dictator having to work for someone else, let alone a feminist vegan health nut (girl from Scary Movie, I think that's her name?). They get all like, "oh no what you tryin to do?" and then eventually like, "oh das wassup" and everyone is like, "aww."

Don't worry, his penis makes a return to the big screen again. That's the best way to start a new paragraph. The film was clad full of comedians from all over the board, a large amount of them from SNL (Saturday Night Live, a show most popular for spawning award-winning hit movies like Corky Ramano and The Ladies Man).

There were a lot of laughs but it got to the point where it felt like they were trying to make 13 year old kids happy rather than people who can think. Also by 13 year old kids, this also applies to the guy sitting behind me. Like I said I will be rating movies based on experience, and this dingus made me want to slap him in the b. He's what doctors would describe as, "A loud, out of turn laugher, lacking a sense of humor, motor skills, hand-eye coordination... And a soul." I swear he would only chuckle at the parts that weren't the heavy hitting jokes then overlap the comedic brilliance that followed so I couldn't hear. It's like watching Arrested Development with a dumb person. You have to shut them up in order to get all the genius. My rating of the movie was about at a 70% and kept decreasing by 1% with each laugh until the dumbo broke my cardinal rule of movie-going: APPLAUDING DURING THE MOVIE! At one people when health care reform was mention he (I counted) clapped FIFTEEN TIMES and not a single person joined in. He's also a loud clapper. The worst guy in the world.

So in conclusion, the movie was OK because my friend gave me a pass to get into it for free. It's the same shock value formula as Sasha's other films just made into an Ad-Lib and filling the 4 empty spaces with the plot of this movie. Most importantly the clapper/wrong laugher guy needs to go back to elementary school and eat glue. You ruined the movie for me, man. Seriously, go fuck yourself, guy.

Thanks for reading! I'll be back eventually for more experience reviews and probably hating the audience.

the Dictator gets a rating of:

"It's OK if it's free and loud laugher guy isn't there. Seriously dude, go eat a bag of grenades."

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