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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 6/13

Posted by - 01:44 AM on 06/13/12
There weren't many questions this week, but Keith Buckley (Every Time I Die) still provided some keys to success. It's the quality that counts, not the quantity! But still, if you want the doctor to answer your questions about anything and everything, shoot him an email by clicking here. As always, the questions and answers are in the replies.
 
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 32
01:46 AM on 06/13/12
#2
Drew Beringer
Senior Editor - @drewberinger - Locked Groove
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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 6/13Dr. Keith,
Is it better to wipe your ass until it bleeds thus taking the risk of having fecal matter enter your bloodstream, or just walk around smelling like shit a little.

in order to give you meaningful advice i have run a series of extremely advanced, intricate experiments in a laboratory. not only have i pooped in my pants, but also took poo with my hand and smeared that poo into a cut i made on my forehead with a fork. now, one week later as my poisoned blood slowly causes my organs to fail, i can assure you that i wish for nothing more than to ONLY smell like shit.

Dear Keith,
I've been friendzoned HARD by this chick I'm really into. What's a guy supposed to do?

the path from bonezone to friendzone is like the Oregon Trail for perverts. many will get cholera. many more will die. my only advice to you is to make whatever zone you find yourself in full of masturbatory delights. eventually she will see how happy you are- furiously masturbating without a care in the world- and do you the favor of making you miserable by dating you.

Keith,
HOW DO I DO A CRIME???? I KEEP GETTING CAUGHT.

plan accordingly. those stickers on the back of minivans indicating how many children will be home are extremely helpful.

keith,
how would you recommend going about hitting on women of the deeply religious persuasion?

tell her every single day how wonderful she looks in that sweatshirt with a scrap booking cat on it. her pussy will get SO wet.

Dear Dr. Keith,
I was recently dating this guy, but we broke up because he has extreme anxiety issues from an abusive relationship in the past. We're still close friends and I'm in love with him, but I don't know how much of myself I should invest in this relationship. Should I just walk away and go get laid or should I be his rock even though it's going to keep me from moving on?

all joking aside, this is a really good question. i have known more than a few people who have encountered this delicate emotional territory and when they need someone to be compassionate, empathetic and honest, i find they would rather talk to a variety of other strangers/stragglers/drifters/charlatans than allow me anywhere near their personal lives. understandably so. i am a terrible person and therefore i am not able or willing to answer any of your questions.
02:22 AM on 06/13/12
#3
Thomas Nassiff
resuscitation of the year
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hahahaha those stickers on minivans are so dumb.
02:26 AM on 06/13/12
#4
brian.yof
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Last answer makes it for me.
04:32 AM on 06/13/12
#5
bandnamexmyname
&^%^&
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Is this a regular thing?
04:46 AM on 06/13/12
#6
jon.
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Is this a regular thing?
It is.
06:12 AM on 06/13/12
#7
Karl Hansen
www.lowcutrock.com
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Last answer :D
06:54 AM on 06/13/12
#8
Rob McWilliams
Eat your salad, no dessert
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Quote:
the path from bonezone to friendzone is like the Oregon Trail for perverts. many will get cholera. many more will die.

This was fucking golden.
07:05 AM on 06/13/12
#9
skibby15
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hahahahah mini van stickers are so dumb
07:08 AM on 06/13/12
deanster321
BLEGH
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Lol at HOW DO I DO A CRIME????
07:48 AM on 06/13/12
ParkAvenue
Death Before Decaf
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and they just keep getting better!
08:10 AM on 06/13/12
Holly HoX!
*
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Great
08:19 AM on 06/13/12
Kyle Thrash
@thrash_itup
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scrap booked cat sweatshirts!
08:44 AM on 06/13/12
WhitefalconTLE
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Look forward to this every week, so great haha
08:50 AM on 06/13/12
SteveLikesMusic
I'm A Man, Dammit
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Hahahaha. Incredible.

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