01:46 AM on 06/13/12
From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 6/13Dr. Keith,
Is it better to wipe your ass until it bleeds thus taking the risk of having fecal matter enter your bloodstream, or just walk around smelling like shit a little.
in order to give you meaningful advice i have run a series of extremely advanced, intricate experiments in a laboratory. not only have i pooped in my pants, but also took poo with my hand and smeared that poo into a cut i made on my forehead with a fork. now, one week later as my poisoned blood slowly causes my organs to fail, i can assure you that i wish for nothing more than to ONLY smell like shit.
I've been friendzoned HARD by this chick I'm really into. What's a guy supposed to do?
the path from bonezone to friendzone is like the Oregon Trail for perverts. many will get cholera. many more will die. my only advice to you is to make whatever zone you find yourself in full of masturbatory delights. eventually she will see how happy you are- furiously masturbating without a care in the world- and do you the favor of making you miserable by dating you.
HOW DO I DO A CRIME???? I KEEP GETTING CAUGHT.
plan accordingly. those stickers on the back of minivans indicating how many children will be home are extremely helpful.
how would you recommend going about hitting on women of the deeply religious persuasion?
tell her every single day how wonderful she looks in that sweatshirt with a scrap booking cat on it. her pussy will get SO wet.
Dear Dr. Keith,
I was recently dating this guy, but we broke up because he has extreme anxiety issues from an abusive relationship in the past. We're still close friends and I'm in love with him, but I don't know how much of myself I should invest in this relationship. Should I just walk away and go get laid or should I be his rock even though it's going to keep me from moving on?
all joking aside, this is a really good question. i have known more than a few people who have encountered this delicate emotional territory and when they need someone to be compassionate, empathetic and honest, i find they would rather talk to a variety of other strangers/stragglers/drifters/charlatans than allow me anywhere near their personal lives. understandably so. i am a terrible person and therefore i am not able or willing to answer any of your questions.