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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 7/3

Posted by - 09:40 AM on 07/03/12
So we've heard your "complaints" that the doctor isn't taking your issues seriously enough. Are you kidding me? Where else could you have gotten the term "Urkel Pit"?!? Anyways, Keith Buckley (Every Time I Die) took a new approach with your questions this week, so if you don't like it, you have yourself entirely to blame. As always, these are real questions from real AbsolutePunk users. If you want Keith to answer a question of yours, you can email it here.
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09:40 AM on 07/03/12
Drew Beringer
Senior Editor - @drewberinger - Locked Groove
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From The Office of Dr. Keith: 7/3 from the Doctor: some people who don't like laughing, or fun, or funny things or jokes or gaffs or goofs or horseplay have been writing to me saying i should take things more seriously. here is my miserably feeble attempt at that. hope you don't enjoy! (because you hate enjoyment)

Dr Keith,
What bands do you absolutely despise on Warped Tour?

2 years ago I would have jumped at the chance to bemoan the integrity of the music scene and taken steaming pile of shit ALL over the place I tend to eat just for a few laughs and cheap publicity. I’m proud to say that after a year of emotional rehabilitation, that me is dead. Not in an “I drank the punch” sort of way, but in a way that now realizes the ineffectualness of being so fucking angry all the time. You know what feels better than being able to say “I told you so” after a negative prediction comes true? Being able to say “I never even considered such horrible things because I was too busy being grateful”. I don’t know where our scene is headed, where my band is headed or where I am headed but it does no good using my current moments to curse my future ones. In doing that, nothing actually gets LIVED. fact is, we can make our own anguish if we want to. i just dont want to. I don’t despise any band on warped tour because doing so would ruin my summer. We are all out here trying to get by. Some of us are better at it than others. Motionless In White gets up and puts on makeup at 10am if they have to play first. That dedication is admirable. The DJ for Mod Sun talked to me about the book I was reading. Champagne Champagne has been seen in our mosh pits! To quote a dude named Wayne Dyer, “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Warped Tour looks better this way. So does life.

I have seen several sources which say you were an English teacher before ETID. Is this true?

In 2003, while still an undergrad at The University of Buffalo I applied for a spot in their Teachers Education Institute in the Graduate School. The spots were limited and based on a bunch of criteria that applicants were unaware of, but I was accepted and placed in a curriculum that basically streamlined you right into a secondary education teaching position. A lot of theories of education, methodology, history of, etc. after a year, I graduated and was placed in Lockport High School teaching English. I was monitored the whole time by an instructor from UB. I was still, essentially, being trained. After 6 months I was moved to a different school where I again taught English. After that year I was given my certificate to teach in NYS. I was offered a job in Boston. I decided I’d rather tour. My certificate is now expired. I currently write free articles for a music news website.

Dear Keith,
The wife and I are taking a cross country trip from NJ to Oregon in hopes of retiring ( I'll be 28 this July). As a dr, and a man who has done a lot of traveling, what kind of road wisdom do you have for me?

I think I may have said this on twitter before, but when driving for hours and looking to rest for a while, ALWAYS take the exit that has a Red Lobster on its sign. Even if you don’t like succulent crab legs (which I’m sure you do because you are a human living in america), Red Lobsters are always around the coolest shit. Malls, movie theaters, best buys, sams clubs, dave and busters, strip clubs, Targets, Laser Tags. In other words, perfect “day off” areas when needing a break. And visit as many tourist traps as possible. Don’t let House of a Thousand Corpses ruin that idea for you.

Dear Dr. Keith,
i started a pop punk band after I broke up with my girlfriend in the hopes that we could spend the summer getting out and seeing the world, have fun, and make some cool tunes. here is where the band is at today (June 26th, 2012): our drummer was fired because he refused to communicate with anyone in the band for over 3 months, we haven't had any sort of practice in over 3 months, our demo was supposed to come out in April, and it's still not recorded, we have no merch, very little equipment, and we're only starting to figure things out on how to get back into practicing. no band tour, no girl, no money/job,no car or license, and no future...could you please give me any sort of tips on how to make my summer NOT suck as much as last year?

I don’t mean to seem harsh, but I think you need to wrap it up. i know the majority of people will subscribe to the school of thought that says “you can do anything you want if you work hard enough” but that adage never accounts for ones happiness while doing it. I think there are more than enough here signs showing you that you need to take a step back and reevaluate your life. maybe being in a band just isn’t your calling. I know for a FACT that I cannot paint worth a shit. but lets say I really wanted to paint because I wanted to be rich and live the life of a famous painter (and not because I actually like painting). I have two options. I can practice painting for 10,000 hours (the estimated amount of time it take to master a skill) or I can say to myself “I should spend those 10,000 focusing on something I genuinely love”. You have to enjoy the process as well as the product. You haven’t practiced in 3 months? You obviously don’t enjoy the process or you would be playing music every day. I know people that wake up and grab their guitar. If youre not one of those people, maybe music just aint for you.

Dear Doc,
I am a 28 year old dude who moved back in with his parents almost 2 years ago. My father has not worked in 3 years, and I help pay the mortgage. I was not planning on staying this long, but whenever I would mention moving out, they would send me on a guilt trip and act like they really needed me. (which they seem to) Everyday they slip deeper and deeper into senility, and it has become quite unbearable to see them fighting over the most trivial things. Now, one of my closest friends is about to buy a house, and a solid opportunity to move has arose. Im going to move regardless of your answer. My question to you Dr. Keith is, am I an ungrateful bastard, for turning my back on my creators?

I don’t think there is a blanket answer for this one. I don’t have YOUR relationship with your parents. Let me tell you what I would do if this were to befall me. I would stay with them until their conditions required the help if a professional medic. I love my parents deeply and if I left them to fend for themselves while facing a debilitating medical condition, there would not be a single day that I could wake up happy. You didn’t ASK for what has happened to them, and consequently you, but it happened. Now its up to you to decide how you deal with it. remember, theres a good chance your parents didn’t ask for you, but you sure as shit happened. And if you grew up to be the kind of guy that is concerned enough to do what you already have, they dealt with it pretty well.
09:46 AM on 07/03/12
Holly HoX!
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The DJ/instrumentalist from Champagne Champagne was in the Blood Brothers.....could explain why he was in the pit.
09:46 AM on 07/03/12
Take Apart Your Head
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Dr. Keith/DJ Tanner should do his own Podcast.

'ineffectualness' , I love it!
09:50 AM on 07/03/12
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All great answers. As funny as his silly answers are, it was nice to see something like this from him. Loved the Warped Tour answer. I used to be the kind of kid who bashed on everyone's taste, but hey, I've got more important things to worry about.
09:52 AM on 07/03/12
I regret making this my username...
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brokencyde's Avatar
Love these, but it's cool to see some serious ones. Red Lobster is awful.
10:09 AM on 07/03/12
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Rodeo's Avatar
Dr. Buckley cured my prostate cancer.
10:15 AM on 07/03/12
This Wild Life - Kevin
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The good Doctor has spoken yet again.
10:32 AM on 07/03/12
Phil B.
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You know where people who laugh go? Canada.
10:33 AM on 07/03/12
Alex DiVincenzo
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This was just as good, if not better, a read as when they're not serious.
10:48 AM on 07/03/12
Nothing Important Happened Today.
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Eraux's Avatar
go to school for 8+ years to get a doctorate degree, retire in 2 years?
10:49 AM on 07/03/12
Registered Member
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skibby15's Avatar
love this
10:53 AM on 07/03/12
the seventeenth
work in progress
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the seventeenth's Avatar
Not as aluminum as other entries, but still decent.
10:56 AM on 07/03/12
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ChaseTx's Avatar
He's not lying about how he would have handled the first question a few years ago. Their older albums have so many songs about how bastardized the genre is.
11:01 AM on 07/03/12
Kyle Thrash
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This was loads of shinfo.

But on a serious note, that was a great read, especially the shit talking on bands part.I think he has hysterical jokes and riffs on people but his serious writing is brilliant and might be better.

Edit: Keith tell your boys to get on the horn and do another Pudcast

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