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06:19 PM on 07/05/12 
#1
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TheMystery
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I apologize if these verses "suck", they are just a couple of simple verses I came up with that I'd like to get a couple opinions on.
None of these verses took me much time to come up with, nor did i really edit them very much.
I have no issue with criticism whatsoever.

Verse #1

Dad didn't show up to graduation
Living in a fucked up nation
with this fucked up generation
that can't even imagine or have an imagination
let alone a fascination
involving solving the investigation
among their poor fellow peers observation
as if its not some type of obligation
to not fix what was once known as a creation.

Verse #2
Writing raps
while you write rhymes
mine actually means shit
yours is a waste of time
since it consists of a pointless rhyme
at the end of every line
that you believe sounds cool yet you couldn't bring an audience if your show cost a dime.

Verse #3
I thought you were different
But you're just like the rest
Even though you blew me off
I wish you the best
and since we don't talk anymore
I'm stuck reading old texts
Being optimistic
about me becoming your next.
02:46 PM on 07/06/12 
#2
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nickmoebus
Regular Member
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Texas
Male - 23 Years Old
I like verse 2. Very true
03:58 AM on 07/07/12 
#3
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cut!print
Keep me simple, unplug my head.
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Lynnwood, WA
Male
3rd one was by far my favorite. 2nd next. Didn't like 1, It had way too much of the same rhyme scheme I got bored after the third line, but it shows potential.
04:33 PM on 07/07/12 
#4
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TheMystery
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@Nick - Thank you.

@Cut!Print - Thanks, the whole point of #1 was to keep the same rhyme scheme but i'll try to improve on it.
06:04 PM on 07/07/12 
#5
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nickmoebus
Regular Member
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Texas
Male - 23 Years Old
@Nick - Thank you.

@Cut!Print - Thanks, the whole point of #1 was to keep the same rhyme scheme but i'll try to improve on it.

You're welcome :)
03:23 AM on 07/08/12 
#6
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cut!print
Keep me simple, unplug my head.
cut!print's Avatar
Lynnwood, WA
Male
@Nick - Thank you.

@Cut!Print - Thanks, the whole point of #1 was to keep the same rhyme scheme but i'll try to improve on it.

I understand that. If that's what you were going for then all the power to ya friend!
12:26 PM on 07/08/12 
#7
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mercenaryx29
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Male - 26 Years Old
Sounds almost like a Twenty-one Pilots "rap", which is definitely a good thing. Seems pretty genuine. It's like I feel where you're coming from even though I wasn't there nor do I know you.
11:50 PM on 07/17/12 
#8
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TheMystery
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Ha why thank you.

I'll post more verses in another thread.
12:35 PM on 07/21/12 
#9
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PhillyMusic
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Philadelphia
Male
[Lasko - Verse 1]
Shawty bad looking like Rihanna, she wanna come wit me, well imma buy a condom.
I gotta keep it strap, lifestyle latex
Shawty says get ready cuz you bout to get your dick wet
I tell her ight, imma fuck her right, they way she gets undress mayne i know her pussy's tight
Fuck her so good, manye i this bitch calling
I ask her want she want and she says a shot caller

[Chorus - Curren$y]
Wanna be with a baller shot caller
Can tell by her aura she wanna shot caller
Wanna be with a baller shot caller
Can tell by her aura she wanna shot caller

[French Montana - Verse 2]
Dippin in the ‘lac (slow) 3 in the back (oh)
2 if ya fat (aha) pimpin is a fact
Fresh up out the street hot jump to the top
I be french montana from da da da block
Went solo on ya azz, solo on the ave
All white navy blue polo with the hat
I go rawr rawr like a thunder dragon
From the south Bronx home of the original clappers
Just another case diggin in the crates
Empty out the tool they was fillin it with hate
Livin life fast guess mines on a speed boat
(spark the weed like a ...)

[Chorus - Curren$y]
Shorty got potential I could be her sponsor
Met her back stage at a summer jam concert
Hair like Rihanna shoe game was awesome
Could tell by her aura she want a shot caller
Wanna be with a baller shot caller
Can tell by her aura she wanna shot caller
Wanna be with a baller shot caller
Can tell by her aura she wanna shot caller

[French Montana - Verse 3]
Back on the scene, crispy and clean,
LV the logo even on the chain,
Dopey funny style with a funky funky child
I do it frenchy style I let the money pile
She aint wanna talk till she seen the top off
Call me pimp homicide let her jump off
Feel the texture ? webster
Stand on my own not who I stand next ya
Can I hit it in the morning (mornin’) fo sho I’ll be pimpin like a pro
All the bad bitches know when the money hit the flo better pick it up
(pick it up pick it up pick it up)
French Montana French French Montana

[Chorus - Curren$y (x2)]
Shorty got potential I could be her sponsor
Met her back stage at a summer jam concert
Hair like Rihanna shoe game was awesome
Could tell by her aura she want a shot caller
Wanna be with a baller shot caller
Can tell by her aura she wanna shot caller
Wanna be with a baller shot caller
Can tell by her aura she wanna shot caller

Please send feedback to DatPhilly215@Yahoo.com
03:03 AM on 07/23/12 
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TheJustinBriggs
Avid Ganja smoker
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Seattle, Washington
Male - 19 Years Old
Verse #3 is pretty damn good, definitely has some potential for a good punk song!
10:39 PM on 07/26/12 
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TheMystery
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Thank you.
04:28 PM on 08/04/12 
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Stella Jones
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Female - 22 Years Old
I love all these three, especially the first one, very true. You're good.
12:55 PM on 08/31/12 
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TheMystery
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Thank you :)
07:16 AM on 10/16/12 
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Spartan2011
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Male - 21 Years Old
Haha dope! I loved it!
10:57 AM on 10/28/12 
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Conniption
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Scotland
Male - 23 Years Old
Liked all three in their own ways, about the whole people getting bored with the same rhyme scheme in verse one I usually run two rhyming schemes simultaneously if I feel it's getting a bit repetitive, a bit like this:

Dad didn't show up to graduation
What was it this time Dad, happy hour?
Living in a fucked up nation
My outlooks beginning to sour
with this fucked up generation
But through my lyrics I feel empowered
that can't even imagine or have an imagination
These verses start forming in the morning before I've even showered
let alone a fascination
Aiming to devour
involving solving the investigation
The false ideology's of anyone in power
among their poor fellow peers observation
And from the bottom looking up I'll make them cower
as if its not some type of obligation
It's my time now, your biggest mistake was letting me grow empowered
to not fix what was once known as a creation.

It doesn't really tie in with the original verse but it was 5 minutes work, what can you expect eh :P



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