[Seteden]

My mind is racing
My heart is beating
What is this new feeling?
Am I losing it tonight?

No matter what I do
I can't stop thinking about you
Every breath I take
You take away from me

I love what you do
I don't want to lose you
Don't let me let you go
Let's make time slow.

You're adorable as hell
Your smile is the one for which I fell
The way you look at me makes me understand
I truly do want to be your man.

I lack metaphor
I lack rhythm
I lack a lot of rhyme
But being repetitive allows me to say

That you mean everything to me
Each and every day.

[Guadian99]

I really like the ending

[a speedo model]

I hated the ending. Boring end to a boring piece. This isn't original or interesting. The topic is a retread and every line is cliche. Think outside the box. Writing old ideas down doesn't make you a writer.

[Brett David]

A speedo put it a bit harshly but I have to agree.
Love songs are over done so in order to do them well I think you need to use more metaphors and such to deliver your point. Describe don't tell.

[isaias]

In my opinion, metaphors can help give a greater sense or feel of a point your trying to take home with your words. But in general, I liked the ending, it surprised me in a good way.