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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 8/14

Posted by: Drew Beringer (08/13/12)
Now that Warped Tour has wrapped up for the summer, Keith Buckley (Every Time I Die will be delivering his advice at the beginning of each week. Now you'll be properly equipped and educated to make the right (or wrong) decisions in your life. Anyways, these are real questions from real AP.net users, if you want the good doctor to guide you in your life, make sure to email your questions here.
      
 
Displaying posts 1 - 15 of 21
11:23 PM on 08/13/12
#2
Drew Beringer
Senior Editor - @drewberinger - Locked Groove
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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 8/14Dear Keith,
If you could trade places with anyone for one day, just to see life through their eyes who would it be? Could be anyone living or dead and could be at any time period?

Of all the people that have ever lived I would definitely want to be the guy who ran the upstate new york Brony chapter in the late 90’s so I can better understand why I was thrown out of the convention and had my membership revoked until 2015.

Keith,
In all seriousness, I'm interested in the books you're reading now and what you would recommend. What book should I start next?

If I told you exactly what I read, it would be only a matter of time until you knew everything that I knew and my stock would rapidly lose value as you continued to spread the word. The more sources I reveal to the general pubic, the fewer factoids I have to impress you with, and if I am increasingly unable to spew memorized but not fully comprehended bits of information then what good am I? tell you what, start with “Labyrinths” and choose your own adventures.


Dear Dr. Buckley,
Lately I have been receiving criticism from my friends for partying/drinking heavily every night. They say that it is going to kill me and prevent me from succeeding in life. However, I am the first and only one so far to receive a full time job after graduating and I do not let my night life effect my new career. would you recommend I keep drowning myself in alcohol and partying it up or is it time to grow up and prepare for the "real world?" Your expertise would be greatly appreciated.

Its hard to diagnose this problem without having all the background information. First of all, how long ago did you graduate? If we’re stuck in some delusion that a previous success warrants a careless life of privilege then the problem is about far more than just how much you’re drinking. After all, even legendary Americans like Al Bundy who scored four touchdowns in a single game against Andrew Johnson High School was still selling womens shoes decades later. If its just enough to “have a job” then by all means, drink up. the real world is a terrifying place, unless you’re as lucky as I am and you actually find a job where drinking is 90% of the description.


Keith,
When asking a girl on a date and they suggest breakfast, do you think they just want to get it over with or is that a call for the morning love?

It is absolutely to get you out of there as quickly as possible. Shes got other shit to do but she’s kind enough to wake up a little earlier that day to flaunt her killer bod in your greasy face before going to the OBGYN or whatever women do these days. Be thankful she even took the time for that. you know how embarrassing it is to ask a woman out on a date and have her reject you because she immediately noticed the crooked erection forming in your pleated khakis? I don’t either. I’m asking for a friend.

Dr. Keith,
If humans were cannibals, would children be veal?

It isn’t necessary that ALL humans be cannibals in order to enjoy the tender, creamy, pink, velvety succulent meat of a human baby, just the one good Doctor who chooses to steal it from a park while its mother is drinking from a water fountain, lock it in his basement, feed it only hay and milk and then eat it.

Dr. Keith,
As a veteran of the "underground" scene, what's your opinion on how it's looking now a days? Compare the popular bands of a few years ago (ETID, Norma Jean, Underoath, The Chariot, etc.) with the popular bands of today (Of Mice & Men, Sleeping With Sirens, Memphis May Fire, etc.).

There is no way of comparing music of different eras in order to gain an appreciation of value because there is no constant against which to compare it. the world isn’t this THING that sits there for bands to approach and alter like different knights attempting to pull a sword out of a stone. Scenes are not stronger than others, or bands more “meaningful” than their predecessors. We as fans of music have a very personal experience when we listen and it has everything to do with the way the world looks at the time it was created. There may not have been a need for a Bob Dylan or a Nirvana or a Public Enemy in a different country at a different time but they were who they were because it meant something to a shitload of people. it appealed to something indelibly human. so who am I to say that music doesn’t mean anything to the “popular” bands that make it today? They relate to their fans in their own way. Most of those fans, however, tend to be fucking idiots. just kidding….. or AM I?!?!?
TO BE CONTINUED!!!!

06:33 AM on 08/14/12
#3
sauce301
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i know he's done a few, but i'd really like to read a longer interview where he offers more insight on his thoughts of the bands they end up surrounded with on warped. the article he wrote for AP a few years ago was great and i'd be interested in hearing more of his thoughts on the matter.

hard lol at the 'i'm asking for a friend.'
06:37 AM on 08/14/12
#4
incognitojones
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ha, nice last answer.
07:18 AM on 08/14/12
#5
Sloth7
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"...she’s kind enough to wake up a little earlier that day to flaunt her killer bod in your greasy face before going to the OBGYN or whatever women do these days."


Holy crow, that is a hilarious sentence. He's completely right, we guys have no idea what women do with their days.
07:48 AM on 08/14/12
#6
Adam Pfleider
wait. what were we talking about?
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Married...with Children ref ftw!
07:49 AM on 08/14/12
#7
HeavenResign
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Everything about this rules.
09:20 AM on 08/14/12
#8
Holly HoX!
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"Crooked erection"
09:24 AM on 08/14/12
#9
TheRealJohnOC
@BehindtheCade Seen 701 bands live!
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09:30 AM on 08/14/12
Alex DiVincenzo
www.alexislegend.com
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Had to Google "brony."
10:22 AM on 08/14/12
CharlieCrap
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"...she’s kind enough to wake up a little earlier that day to flaunt her killer bod in your greasy face before going to the OBGYN or whatever women do these days."


Holy crow, that is a hilarious sentence. He's completely right, we guys have no idea what women do with their days.


Speak for yourself, my man! God gave us Instagram and if I'm interpreting pictures correctly, women spend their time constantly eating, occasionally trying on clothes, and perpetually photographing cats.
11:41 AM on 08/14/12
heartsdietoo
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I for one wish more women would post their private cat pics for the world to see.
11:59 AM on 08/14/12
taborbrown
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The baby answer. Holy. Shit.
12:01 PM on 08/14/12
Miketheunicycle
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not bad, ill think about the whole breakfast date thing a bit, interesting.
12:19 PM on 08/14/12
rollerman4221
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"you know how embarrassing it is to ask a woman out on a date and have her reject you because she immediately noticed the crooked erection forming in your pleated khakis? I don’t either. I’m asking for a friend."

I love how that was tacked on to the response, but really is a completely different thought altogether.
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