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From The Office Of Dr. Keith Buckley: 9/18

Posted by - 03:20 AM on 09/18/12
In this week's column, Dr. Keith Buckley (Every Time I Die) tackles tough subjects like homesickness, his ideal party people, and how to snag a Jewish partner even if you yourself are not Jewish. It's riveting, hard-hitting stuff. We're lucky to have a doctor willing to put in the extra time to help his patients. Anyways, these are real questions from real AP.net users, and if you want help from the good doctor, make sure to email any and all queries here.
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03:20 AM on 09/18/12
Drew Beringer
Senior Editor - @drewberinger - Locked Groove
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From The Office of Dr. Keith Buckley: 9/18Hey Dr. Keith.
Long time reader, first time questioner.
Who would be your Top 5 people to "Party" with; real or fictional.

Well, if a fictional party realm is accessible, then I can assume all constructs of time and space are susceptible to manipulation in which case I would most likely be able to party with 3 other me’s. that would make 4 of us which would be awesome. Then probably the lady with 3 boobs from Total Recall for obvious reasons*

*sexual reasons.

Dear Keith,
What's the best online dating site for people looking to date Jews, but are not Jewish?

If there are a few things I can surmise based upon misinformed stereotypes its that Jewish people love Florida, sending food back, shopping at Target and gchat. Since there are no specific websites devoted to these at the same time, my advice is to find a Target in Orlando, order a hot pretzel from the in-store restaurant Skedaddles, loudly complain about its lack of salt, send it back in a fit of rage and simply wait for your curious but intrigued Jewish soul mate to wander over. After that, get her gchat name and ask for noodz.

Dear Keith,
I have a very very close friend who has a problem with a very addictive drug. Is there a way that I can stop enabling but still keep this person in my life until they are ready to get help?

I am not an expert on addiction or rehabilitation but I do watch a lot of Intervention so I guess you could say I’m kind of an expert on addiction and rehabilitation. Unfortunately, I don’t think there is a way to remain close yet discontinue your tendency to enable this friend. You care about them and that’s why you want them close, but that concern- once in place- is inextricably tied to facilitating. You don’t want to see them suffer and withdrawal is suffering. I’ve been in your position and I know what its like to let someone have a drink because it provides temporary relief and all you want is to see them at peace. But its not right. If you walk away after giving them an ultimatum there is no way that they will hate you when/if they do get better. Chances are they’ll thank you for lighting the fire.

If you were at a music festival and two of your most favorite bands were playing overlapping sets, would you choose to watch Band A's closing jam (thus missing Band B's most likely raging opener) or cut out of Band A's set early to catch the beginning of Band B?

I’ve been faced with this conundrum multiple times in my life and in each instance I have resolved it in the same way. it is timeless and foolproof. If I am ever at a festival and two of my favorite bands are playing, I just insure that I am too preoccupied with alcohol and friends to care about watching live music. I convince myself that I a) have already seen both of them sometime in the not so distant past or b) will cross paths with them again soon or c) am too far away from the stages to make it in time anyway. When confronted with multiple options, chose none. Problem solved.

Dr. Keith,
After living in the Buffalo area for a year I became very depressed. I immediately moved back to New York City, to go back to what I like to call "reality". My question to you is what is it like to actually grow up in the area, then have the pleasure of seeing the rest of the world? What are good ways to keep yourself from being homesick?

The reason people get homesick is because they are constantly comparing what they COULD have to what they DO have. I was the poster man-child for this for a long time. I had a tendency to remove myself from the present and set back down again in a situation more favorable- in my house, at The Pink, etc. Then, when I was forced to attend to current matters, they were never as ideal as the ones I invented. It made me resent what I had and where I was. That’s not a good way to live. Certainly I miss a lot about what I leave behind but stewing in my britches isn’t going to bring it to me. I think its important to appreciate where you are, and if your surroundings are too overwhelming, reach out to those select few who make you truly happy or try going inward. focus on yourself. run off your enormous man boobs. Write an erotic novel, or at least a letter to Penthouse. Skype with my uncles, they’re really cool. Build a working hose. The possibilities are limited!
08:00 AM on 09/18/12
Not Your Savior
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AL1VE's Avatar
Brilliant as usual
08:20 AM on 09/18/12
Karl Hansen
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Fantastic stuff, especially the first one!
08:51 AM on 09/18/12
Holly HoX!
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Holly HoX!'s Avatar
The Jewish answer.....hahahahaha
09:19 AM on 09/18/12
It Only Gets Better
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ramomcferno's Avatar
This is my favorite one yet. It is so awesome Keith takes out the time to do this.
10:11 AM on 09/18/12
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Travbag's Avatar
I would love to Skype with his uncles...
11:14 AM on 09/18/12
When I get home I'll get high alone
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Psib's Avatar
When confronted with multiple options, chose none.

Thats quality advice!
11:44 AM on 09/18/12
Coffee & Cigarettes Clothing Co.
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AReiss's Avatar
Probably my favorite as well. Thanks Doc!
12:18 PM on 09/18/12
emo is a gang
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02:05 PM on 09/18/12
"Look mom, no hands!"
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this was a good one
06:09 PM on 09/18/12
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Thanks Doc for the last answer; I'm doing a second stint teaching English in SoKo (South Korea), and while I loved it the first time, I hate it now. I put my band on hiatus to come here, and miss the friends and shows that kept tempting me to leave, not to mention family, dogs, and good coffee. Your answer was just what I needed this week. Global scene for the win.
06:34 PM on 09/18/12
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TylerHartman's Avatar
Are there seriously only 11 comments on this? Why aren't people more interested in this? It's fucking Keith Buckley!
01:49 AM on 09/20/12
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Drew Beringer's Avatar
http://www.picknewest.com/ http://www.sneakeronlinesale.com/

here's the link for US fans, it's on their facebook

everything has been updated

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