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12:44 AM on 10/09/12 
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
Chewing ice. I know it's super annoying to the people around me and I used to care, but now I don't haha. Oop. I have a mental list of which food places have the best ice, I know which ~texture of ice is best, etc. I'm weird. When I get a fountain soda I fill the entire cup with ice and barely any of it is actually soda lol. But I can't chew the ice until all of the soda is gone, which is why I can't get a large drink in a drive-thru, because it is too big and the ice melts before I even get halfway done. I can't just fill a cup with plain ice either - it has to have a drink in it first, preferably Coke.

Nothing serious, just annoying and odd.
03:10 PM on 10/09/12 
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kianacarly
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Not really much of a story. The long and short of it is I overdosed, and had I not gotten immediate help I would've died.



No, not at all, be them physical or psychological. It was quite a few years ago and it's completely behind me.

Wow, it's awesome that you could put it behind you. I dated someone who was addicted before we got together and he had been sober for a couple years, but he relapsed while we were dating. I don't think he'll ever get out of the cycle, and having seen someone go through it firsthand gives me the utmost respect for people who work hard to kick the habit because it is not easy.

alcohol. but go me, i've had 3 sips in the nearly 3 years since i quit

Congrats! That's awesome!
11:33 PM on 10/11/12 
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
Food.
I think about it like a man thinks about sex.
Even if I'm full.
I diet and fantasize about pasta.
Sometimes I eat well all day, binge at night, and vomit

omg are you me? I could eat fries and pasta every day for the rest of my life - oh and watermelon Sour Patch Kids. I never purged but after I feel full from anything, even healthy foods, I get ill and feel like I'm going to vomit. It's a total coping mechanism to eat. I had to put my dog down today and I drank like three giant fountain sodas and ate a large fry, as well as my sister's small fry. fml. I would eat buttered noodles every day if I could. I like healthy food just fine, but why does the food that's worst for you have to taste so delicious and be so addictive?

/emotional eater problems
12:41 AM on 10/14/12 
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
So, this is me, without the binging. I'm too concerned with the appearance of my face because I hate my body, and I don't want vomit to ruin my teeth.

But, same page. It's honestly a food addiction if you fantasize about eating food, and it's so much worse when you're trying to diet. If I'm dieting, and just trying to take my mind off thinking, but I see characters on a sitcom are eating I'm looking and thinking about the food on their plates. I knew it was bad one time when it happened while I was watching The Simpsons. I feel like it has so many similarities to a substance addiction, but it's so different to try to cure.



I love food because its delicious, but I didn't realize I also emotionally eat until recently. My dad had started chemo in March (he's okay now!) and from March to May I gained 30 pounds. THIRTY POUNDS. In two months. I didn't realize what I was doing to myself until it was too late and now I'm back to the turmoil that is dieting, except I've never had to lose this much so it's very sad to think I'll be limiting my calories to 1200 every day for at least the next five months. That shouldn't make a person upset, but it does. It's so hard, and it's so hard for other people to try to understand.

omg, I'm so sorry about all of that, bb. I didn't realize I was an emotional eater until an old acquaintance of mine picked up on it fairly quickly and asked me about it. I was taken off guard because I'm usually pretty self aware and I never noticed the pattern. I don't know when I even started eating emotionally. I seriously am craving something (usually unhealthy) almost every day - but like crazy cravings. The only thing keeping me in check is that I don't have a car to go out and indulge in them. Dieting is hard. I just finally became a vegetarian 7 years ago for a few reasons, dieting one of them, and the one thing about it I like is looking up fun, healthy recipes. I've found that when I focus more on "ooh this looks good!" or "this looks fun and different!" then I have a healthier relationship with it. I can't count calories because it's a slippery slope, so I try (but usually fail) to just eat healthy and exercise, and tell my brain that it's health that matters, not pounds. Otherwise dieting for me just doesn't work. It's miraculous that my weight only fluctuates about five pounds from my usual weight. I'm sure when my metabolism goes it will be a different story though.

/essay
07:58 PM on 10/14/12 
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
I know, I totally thought I was self-aware too. My weight always fluctuated up maybe ten pounds max before that happened, so I was completely thrown off and obviously not very self-aware.

It's a good thing you don't have a car then! My driver side window broke like two months ago and it's been awesome that I can't go to drive-thrus haha!

I've officially made it a week without cracking, my next goal is two weeks but I'm getting stronger at thinking about cravings less and the power is great. Why is food so good :(

Wow, good for you! I don't know why it's so amazing. Especially the bad stuff. And during fall I love to look up fall-y recipes, so it's worse haha. But it's great that you're doing better. It's so hard. Because like, you have to have food in your house. You can't really avoid it. Nighttime is the worst.
12:17 AM on 10/15/12 
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
Too all the individuals talking about food as it relates to addiction. Yeah food is very addictive because of all the additives and chemicals loaded into processed foods. The government and corporations have an agenda to keep us at a low state, and with food we have been manipulated and controlled by the standard american diet. All processed foods are denatured and thus altered to fit the consumption in the form of pleasure. The pleasure comes at a price.

My motto is : eat to live....eat organic foods, increase your vegetable and fruit uptake. You will feel much better physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc. If you keep this up you will be able to control your addiction and not let the addiction control you. If you want to start taking control of your diet, make that first step. Set your mind to it.

I don't get how this is relevant to what we were talking about at all. There is a difference between eating junk because it tastes good and not being able to stop, and eating because you need to fill some emotional void. The problem is not with the additives in food, but the mindset that tells you that food equals comfort. Eating can be a comfort, or it can be a punishment, such as being down on yourself and then eating a bunch of greasy junk to punish your body. It is more of a psychological issue.

I thought that was just me, but I agree nighttime is the worst! For me it's especially hard because my husband is a junk food guy so it's hard because I either have to tell him "no we can't eat from there for dinner" if its just something he wants because I can't eat there, and making food at home sucks because I'll make a really awesome fatty meal for him and then go back and make like a salad for myself.

I tell my friends, for someone like me, trying to just eat less is seriously like a second job, it's just something that's constantly on my mind that I can't just relax throughout the day over it.

It's the worst, and when I try to talk about it with people they just roll their eyes and tell me I'm skinny so I should shut up. Like, just because I have a decent metabolism doesn't mean I have some amazing and healthy relationship with food. I have an awful relationship with it stemming from like age 10. It's a hard thing to change. Have you tried confiding in him and asking him to try and eat healthy with you? It is so difficult when someone you're always around is doing the thing you're trying to cut out. Even if he can't cut it completely, he might be willing to try new recipes with you. I was always forcing my ex to make me random weird recipes I found online haha
12:56 PM on 10/15/12 
#7
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
He's kinda right. When you're looking for comfort you're going to grab something unhealthy versus healthy because you're addicted to the additives in unhealthy food.

I only disagreed because while yes, I love unhealthy food and love to eat it which I am sure has something to do with additives, I also eat a ton of healthy food too. It is more the act of eating that is comforting, if that makes sense. I've given in to cravings and eaten a ton of healthy food because I just needed to eat something. I think the additives is a very insignificant factor barely worth mentioning. Still a factor, of course, but even if I only had a pantry full of amazing and organic healthy foods, I would still go crazy if I was feeling down. It's hard to explain. I will just get a super strong craving for something specific - and I have these for both healthy and unhealthy foods equally. I get where he was coming from since we were asking why unhealthy food was so delicious, but from where I'm coming from it's more of a "why do I punish myself with this greasy food?" question instead of literally asking why it is so amazing.
01:12 PM on 10/15/12 
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kianacarly
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Female - 22 Years Old
I get that too. But like I said in my post after this one, addiction has so many more components than what we see and is a lot more complex. All addictions are different and effect everyone in different ways. While it may not be part of your addiction, it could very well be part of someone else's

I get that too. He just came off condescending because what he said didn't really apply to me personally (can't speak for who I was originally having the convo with, though she seemed to disagree as well) and he was arguing back with both of us when we disagreed with him. I wasn't speaking on behalf of anyone else's issues, just my own. I know there are lots of people who are actually addicted to food and the taste of it, which mine has little to do with the actual taste and needing the junk food - mine is more just the comfort provided by the act of eating whatever - healthy or unhealthy. To me, we were discussing something totally different than what he was talking about, and when I told him how that didn't really apply to my addiction, he still argued back, and I don't really care for that, since like you said, everyone's addiction is different and he doesn't really know mine well enough to do that. It's not like we don't know that the food is bad because of stuff like that, you know? So I just got a bit defensive. It's like telling an alcoholic about the dangers of alcohol when everybody already knows them already. Just kind of unnecessary.



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