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11:33 PM on 10/13/12 
#1
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
Food.
I think about it like a man thinks about sex.
Even if I'm full.
I diet and fantasize about pasta.
Sometimes I eat well all day, binge at night, and vomit

So, this is me, without the binging. I'm too concerned with the appearance of my face because I hate my body, and I don't want vomit to ruin my teeth.

But, same page. It's honestly a food addiction if you fantasize about eating food, and it's so much worse when you're trying to diet. If I'm dieting, and just trying to take my mind off thinking, but I see characters on a sitcom are eating I'm looking and thinking about the food on their plates. I knew it was bad one time when it happened while I was watching The Simpsons. I feel like it has so many similarities to a substance addiction, but it's so different to try to cure.

omg are you me? I could eat fries and pasta every day for the rest of my life - oh and watermelon Sour Patch Kids. I never purged but after I feel full from anything, even healthy foods, I get ill and feel like I'm going to vomit. It's a total coping mechanism to eat. I had to put my dog down today and I drank like three giant fountain sodas and ate a large fry, as well as my sister's small fry. fml. I would eat buttered noodles every day if I could. I like healthy food just fine, but why does the food that's worst for you have to taste so delicious and be so addictive?

/emotional eater problems

I love food because its delicious, but I didn't realize I also emotionally eat until recently. My dad had started chemo in March (he's okay now!) and from March to May I gained 30 pounds. THIRTY POUNDS. In two months. I didn't realize what I was doing to myself until it was too late and now I'm back to the turmoil that is dieting, except I've never had to lose this much so it's very sad to think I'll be limiting my calories to 1200 every day for at least the next five months. That shouldn't make a person upset, but it does. It's so hard, and it's so hard for other people to try to understand.

Edit: And I'm very very very sorry to hear about your doggy :(
09:52 AM on 10/14/12 
#2
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
omg, I'm so sorry about all of that, bb. I didn't realize I was an emotional eater until an old acquaintance of mine picked up on it fairly quickly and asked me about it. I was taken off guard because I'm usually pretty self aware and I never noticed the pattern. I don't know when I even started eating emotionally. I seriously am craving something (usually unhealthy) almost every day - but like crazy cravings. The only thing keeping me in check is that I don't have a car to go out and indulge in them. Dieting is hard. I just finally became a vegetarian 7 years ago for a few reasons, dieting one of them, and the one thing about it I like is looking up fun, healthy recipes. I've found that when I focus more on "ooh this looks good!" or "this looks fun and different!" then I have a healthier relationship with it. I can't count calories because it's a slippery slope, so I try (but usually fail) to just eat healthy and exercise, and tell my brain that it's health that matters, not pounds. Otherwise dieting for me just doesn't work. It's miraculous that my weight only fluctuates about five pounds from my usual weight. I'm sure when my metabolism goes it will be a different story though.

/essay

I know, I totally thought I was self-aware too. My weight always fluctuated up maybe ten pounds max before that happened, so I was completely thrown off and obviously not very self-aware.

It's a good thing you don't have a car then! My driver side window broke like two months ago and it's been awesome that I can't go to drive-thrus haha!

I've officially made it a week without cracking, my next goal is two weeks but I'm getting stronger at thinking about cravings less and the power is great. Why is food so good :(
08:39 PM on 10/14/12 
#3
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
Wow, good for you! I don't know why it's so amazing. Especially the bad stuff. And during fall I love to look up fall-y recipes, so it's worse haha. But it's great that you're doing better. It's so hard. Because like, you have to have food in your house. You can't really avoid it. Nighttime is the worst.

I thought that was just me, but I agree nighttime is the worst! For me it's especially hard because my husband is a junk food guy so it's hard because I either have to tell him "no we can't eat from there for dinner" if its just something he wants because I can't eat there, and making food at home sucks because I'll make a really awesome fatty meal for him and then go back and make like a salad for myself.

I tell my friends, for someone like me, trying to just eat less is seriously like a second job, it's just something that's constantly on my mind that I can't just relax throughout the day over it.
08:59 PM on 10/14/12 
#4
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
Too all the individuals talking about food as it relates to addiction. Yeah food is very addictive because of all the additives and chemicals loaded into processed foods. The government and corporations have an agenda to keep us at a low state, and with food we have been manipulated and controlled by the standard american diet. All processed foods are denatured and thus altered to fit the consumption in the form of pleasure. The pleasure comes at a price.

My motto is : eat to live....eat organic foods, increase your vegetable and fruit uptake. You will feel much better physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc. If you keep this up you will be able to control your addiction and not let the addiction control you. If you want to start taking control of your diet, make that first step. Set your mind to it.

Not to be offensive and the advice is appreciated, but it's old news, we're all aware. It's not that someone like me is misinformed, in fact aside from the cravings I am always doing my best to eat as organic, soy or vegetarian as possible (with the absolute exception of the aforementioned two months) because I know that I have to with my habits. Because it's not that I'm addicted to only junk food, like give me a box of herb-garden organic crackers and I'll still stuff as much as I can because they taste so good. I work very hard to not be 300 pounds with as stupid as I am about eating. As far as fruits and vegetables, I do enjoy them and do eat at least one every day, but I get bored very easily. Food lovers love flavor and textures and savory. And really what it comes down to is the comfort of being addicted to something, not the lack of knowledge.


Edit: like what the fu who thinks this much about their relationship with food. After this round of weight-loss I'm going to see a counselor and get this shit normal so that I don't end up here again.
09:56 PM on 10/14/12 
#5
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
Herb-garden organic crackers is still junk food, like i said its processed and denatured does not matter if they slap that organic label on it. I guess i should clarify and say that when i mean organic foods i meant whole foods.

So the addiction is not just from the foods, there are other issues that you have that need to be addressed. Its not about just changing your diet, its about changing you mentality with food and whatever it is in your life that triggers the food comforts.

If you set your mind to eat to live, you will be sustained with a balanced portion of foods and if you have your mind set to live to eat then thats what your reality will come to be.

Going to a counselor may help, but in the end you are the one who has to change. The counselor can't do that for you.

Yes, I thought you had read our discussion about food because this is what we were saying... I mentioned I gained 30 pounds in two months when my dad went through chemo. I think you misunderstood what we were saying, I don't know. The reason diets were brought up were because it's hard to diet and go through emotional stress and have no idea how to comfort yourself without breaking.

An addiction to anything is because of the emotional comfort you associate with it, as bad for your health as it may be. Just because its food doesn't make it not an addiction. Marijuana is not addictive, but plenty of people here admitted to being addicted to it because of, again, the emotional comfort in times of stress.

And your comment about the counselor is obvious, guy. Everyone knows a counselor can't help you with any change if you aren't willing to help yourself so I don't know why you're telling me that. Also I think I meant "therapist-type counselor" if that's why you made that comment.
10:34 PM on 10/14/12 
#6
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
I understand that that was a difficult time for you, but to me your using that as excuse for you taking yourself out of the context of taking care of yourself and being responsible for your own well-being. In the end, we are the ones responsible for ourselves not others which from your post about the therapist you seem to understand.

An addiction comes from all areas not just emotional. Its physical (your bodies reaction to triggers whether it be chemicals or shit put into your system), mental (no discipline), and spiritual (degenerated spirit, lack of self). Also marijuana is addictive because of the high you get from it. Marijuana was not intended to be smoked, anything burnt should not be ingested into the body. Plus they put tons of chemicals and bullshit into it nowadays to increase the high you get from it to make it even more addictive.

So if you understand this concept therapist, then why are you going to him/her to get "help"?



Know that my intention is not to make you feel bad. I am just expressing my own insights into this matter.

For the record, I don't know who you're getting your marijuana from that puts in chemicals and shit, anything at all, into it, but that's just not right. That's what shady drug dealers do. Maybe because of where I live haha, but real shops and legit growers would never do that.

I'm going to a therapist because I need someone to listen to me and to give me an outlet to express my frustrations and weak times. I need someone to talk to to in an effort to manage the way I manage my emotional issues. I just need someone to fucking talk to who doesn't judge me. All of these things help me in controlling myself and the way I look at eating and balance that with me looooooving food. I also have a problem that when I do lose weight, I freak out over the change and that starts the cycle of relapse again.

Which leads me to acknowledging that I know you're not trying to make me feel bad and are just providing insight, but you're the reason I can only talk about this with other people who understand it. It's such a unique addiction/problem that people like you cannot even wrap your mind about why it's even as big a problem as it is and say things like "it's called put the fucking fork down." But thanks.
10:58 PM on 10/14/12 
#7
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
Have you ever heard of GMO's or genetically modified organisms? All marijuana is genetically modified, just the way the government likes it. So even if your getting shit from the source, its still modified to such a large degree from the original cannabis sativa. The high can be seriously addictive to the unstable individual.

You can only talk to people so much until you have to face yourself to make the change. once again i re-state, its not just one aspect of you that has to change...its in addition to the other ones.

Okay.
My husband manages a medical marijuana shop. We know the growers personally. They grow it, bring it straight to the shop and it is a very tight-knit communal relationship. At no point does it pass through any hands of "the government" or any hands besides people we know personally. Nor would any proud grower offer a product that's been tampered with that would ruin the integrity of it being a natural medicine that grows the way God created it to. My husband has literally seen the plant naturally grown, cut, trimmed and delivered. This is how it operates. The government doesn't do anything to the treatment of the marijuana, and honestly that just sounds like either an uneducated conspiracy theory or maybe things practice very different in Massachusetts but honestly it's like pretty ridiculous to say "all marijuana" like it goes through these mass factories or something haha.

That got off topic. And if you don't believe me, just say okay and leave it because I don't want to argue off topic about something I literally am involved with and am surrounded by some of the most educated individuals on the topic. Like, in the world.

And back on topic, it seems you have your own opinion about counselor and therapists, which is fine. It works for some people and not for others.
09:48 AM on 10/15/12 
#8
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ari telescope
kitties
ari telescope's Avatar
Southern California
Female - 26 Years Old
Okay, well this has been really great in hearing how we're the only people who are wrong about our own problems but I'm gonna go ahead and end the conversation here. Thanks for your input guys, it was super duper helpful and considerate. Peace!



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