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12:11 PM on 11/26/12 
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BridgeLL
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Oregon
Female - 34 Years Old
My cousin died this summer. He was 22. It was in a motorcycle accident 9 days before his 23rd birthday. He was amazing.

Anyway, I've lost a friend before, and a grandparent. But this is different. It's been really hard for me to accept. I know other people have lost a lot more, I'm not trying to outdo anyone here. I'm just looking for some tips or ideas on how to not cry every time I see his Facebook page or his Mom - also my cousin.

I just keep forgetting he's gone, and then when I see his face somewhere I remember all over again that I should have gone to see him, should have spent more time with him, I wanted so much to see the person he was becoming.
02:39 PM on 11/26/12 
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VeryWittyName
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Brighton
Male - 21 Years Old
I can't say I've been in this exact situation, but I think it's just a good idea to accept that you're going to cry when you see things that remind you of him, at least for a while, and that's alright. It takes a good year or so for things to stabilise somewhat, in my experience. Eventually the sadness and regret will give way more to the happier memories, and they'll be the ones that last. I hope you manage to cope alright with your loss.
03:19 PM on 11/26/12 
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drewinseries
Fight to get it back again.
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Boston, MA
Male - 23 Years Old
My cousin died this summer. He was 22. It was in a motorcycle accident 9 days before his 23rd birthday. He was amazing.

Anyway, I've lost a friend before, and a grandparent. But this is different. It's been really hard for me to accept. I know other people have lost a lot more, I'm not trying to outdo anyone here. I'm just looking for some tips or ideas on how to not cry every time I see his Facebook page or his Mom - also my cousin.

I just keep forgetting he's gone, and then when I see his face somewhere I remember all over again that I should have gone to see him, should have spent more time with him, I wanted so much to see the person he was becoming.

So sorry about your loss, it is never easy. When my Uncle passed I found myself having a hard time, since his death was not expected. Whether you are religious or not, personally I am not, I found C.S. Lewis' "A Grief Observed" to be a great help in understanding my grief.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Grief_Observed
06:06 PM on 11/26/12 
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leftapart
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Bay Area, CA
Male
I've dealt with a lot of death as well, a cousin of mine died at 28 from cancer, my grandmother, both grandfathers, uncle, aunt, other older cousins, and my best friend from junior high committed suicide a few years back. I don't have any tips or advice for you, I think everyone deals in their own way. But you can't get pissed at yourself for not spending more time with him. We're all guilty for taking our life and time here for granted. We forget how precious life is and how easily it can be taken from anyone. If anything, this can be a lesson, a reminder for you. I doubt your cousin wants you to be discontent by his death and fall into depression. Learn to love life and make time for the ones you care for.
06:29 PM on 11/26/12 
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Kassie09
in the empire business
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Pittsburgh, PA
Female - 24 Years Old
Time helps in the sense that you don't wallow in pity every single day. Unfortunately, you get used to them not being there and that makes it easier. Speaking from experience here, so I'll explain.

My cousin was raised along side me as a sister and only 15 months younger. We did everything together and our lives really revolved around each other, from family functions to friends (same friend group, same college). She was my other half for 18 years. Inseparable. I can't really put our relationship into words, but goddamn she was my other half.

She died 2 years ago and I'm still not fully functional. Time helps in the sense that you don't wallow in it and cry every second and you can go back to normal activities. I can feel happiness again. I know it's not my fault. I know now that no matter how much time I spent with her, it never would have been enough. However, I'm still plagued with thoughts of what we SHOULD be doing. We should be living together right now, she SHOULD be turning 21 in two weeks, we SHOULD be together every day. But we're not and she isn't here. It's normal to be sad sometimes. It's normal to be angry or have bad days.

Acceptance of it does come, you just have to let it. Personally, I've just sort of numbed myself to life and that's how I deal with it. It's not what I recommend. But a grievance counselor could help you A LOT. Also, if you're religious, that can bring you extreme comfort. Talk to your family and lean on them, you all need each other. Summer was not long ago, it is normal that you're still sad. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's not fair.
10:03 PM on 11/26/12 
#6
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brook183
Leave the lunchmeat for the sharks
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Southgate, MI
Male - 23 Years Old
This piece by Riley Breckenridge really moved me. I hope it can help you.

http://www.flipcollective.com/2011/0...-breckenridge/
08:44 AM on 11/27/12 
#7
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get up kidd
I refuse to sink
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This piece by Riley Breckenridge really moved me. I hope it can help you.

http://www.flipcollective.com/2011/0...-breckenridge/

This is so solid. Moved me
08:55 AM on 11/27/12 
#8
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swboyd
The Screaming Wind
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Chicago, IL
Male - 25 Years Old
My cousin died this summer. He was 22. It was in a motorcycle accident 9 days before his 23rd birthday. He was amazing.

Anyway, I've lost a friend before, and a grandparent. But this is different. It's been really hard for me to accept. I know other people have lost a lot more, I'm not trying to outdo anyone here. I'm just looking for some tips or ideas on how to not cry every time I see his Facebook page or his Mom - also my cousin.

I just keep forgetting he's gone, and then when I see his face somewhere I remember all over again that I should have gone to see him, should have spent more time with him, I wanted so much to see the person he was becoming.

I personally wouldn't recommend coming to an internet forum to talk about this kind of stuff. If you have access to grief counseling, that can help. With that being said, the post containing the blog entry from Riley up above is a good start.
10:27 AM on 11/28/12 
#9
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xCoconutheadx
Perfectly Imperfect
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United States
Female - 20 Years Old
Time helps in the sense that you don't wallow in pity every single day. Unfortunately, you get used to them not being there and that makes it easier. Speaking from experience here, so I'll explain.

My cousin was raised along side me as a sister and only 15 months younger. We did everything together and our lives really revolved around each other, from family functions to friends (same friend group, same college). She was my other half for 18 years. Inseparable. I can't really put our relationship into words, but goddamn she was my other half.

She died 2 years ago and I'm still not fully functional. Time helps in the sense that you don't wallow in it and cry every second and you can go back to normal activities. I can feel happiness again. I know it's not my fault. I know now that no matter how much time I spent with her, it never would have been enough. However, I'm still plagued with thoughts of what we SHOULD be doing. We should be living together right now, she SHOULD be turning 21 in two weeks, we SHOULD be together every day. But we're not and she isn't here. It's normal to be sad sometimes. It's normal to be angry or have bad days.

Acceptance of it does come, you just have to let it. Personally, I've just sort of numbed myself to life and that's how I deal with it. It's not what I recommend. But a grievance counselor could help you A LOT. Also, if you're religious, that can bring you extreme comfort. Talk to your family and lean on them, you all need each other. Summer was not long ago, it is normal that you're still sad. I'm so sorry for your loss, it's not fair.

Interesting story, I dont hear many people say their cousin is their other half.
08:59 PM on 11/28/12 
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the color theft
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Texas
Male - 27 Years Old
This reddit post is relevant. Hopefully it helps you.
01:01 PM on 11/29/12 
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BridgeLL
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Oregon
Female - 34 Years Old
Thank you everyone, simply knowing that you all deal with it too helps.
01:42 AM on 12/01/12 
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anthonydarko
Fight Milk
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Wright City, MO
Male - 26 Years Old
I'm not sure if this can apply to this thread but I've been freaking out about dying for almost two months now. It happened randomly one day and ever since, I've had a daily mental crisis about both how I'm going to die one day and life after death. I feel like I'm going to lose my mind sometimes.



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