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08:30 PM on 01/10/13 
#1
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OurLadyCoolbean
False. Black bears.
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Seattle, WA
Male - 20 Years Old
So I like a girl and blah blah blah. I'll trim it to the basics. We were pretty cordial before the quarter ended at school and had a little bit of communication during the break. When we got back I told her we should hang out and she seemed receptive to the idea. But twice I tried to do something with her and both times she had an excuse (although they were good excuses). Now she claims she hasn't been getting the last couple of texts I sent her. When I look back she genuinely does seem receptive like I said, but I just can't shake the idea that she wants me to bug off.

My question is this: How much of a relationship is in your head? From personal experience looking back, I'm curious as to how much you've made up in your head; what occurs in your mind rather than reality.

Even if I get friendzoned, I'd much prefer that to just ending what relationship exists.

Edit: To clarify, and to create discussion, just wondering if anybody has any stories of things in their head being totally different than what was actually happening, realizing in hindsight how off they were.
08:41 PM on 01/10/13 
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NJDevils1214
Butterscotch Krimpets
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NJ
Male - 24 Years Old
I see myself as being fairly logical so I can't say I have ever made anything up in my head or had a skewed sense of reality. If I were you I would just be straight forward with her and ask. It is better than wasting your time. It also prevents you from becoming that guy she is trying to avoid like the plague for weeks and talking shit to her whore friends about you because you can't get the hint.
08:42 PM on 01/10/13 
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CallMeTroy
Fail To Feel
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Illinois, USA
Genderqueer - 23 Years Old
So I like a girl and blah blah blah. I'll trim it to the basics. We were pretty cordial before the quarter ended at school and had a little bit of communication during the break. When we got back I told her we should hang out and she seemed receptive to the idea. But twice I tried to do something with her and both times she had an excuse (although they were good excuses). Now she claims she hasn't been getting the last couple of texts I sent her. When I look back she genuinely does seem receptive like I said, but I just can't shake the idea that she wants me to bug off.

My question is this: How much of a relationship is in your head? From personal experience looking back, I'm curious as to how much you've made up in your head; what occurs in your mind rather than reality.

Even if I get friendzoned, I'd much prefer that to just ending what relationship exists.

In response to the mauve section of your post: There's no universal answer. Literally everyone's thoughts are different. Even recalling my own experiences, it's impossible to tell for each relationship because I can't accurately gauge what's in another person's mind.

In response to the bold section of your post: The friend zone does not exist. That cannot be stressed enough.
08:54 PM on 01/10/13 
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HarryPotter
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Hogwarts
Male - 27 Years Old
many guys overthink these things and all it does is stress us out more. If someone says "i didn't get your text" I always think the worst. But shit really does happen, maybe you thought you sent it but you really didn't/bad service etc. bottom line, let her come to you somehow. stop always being the one to initiate. She pretty much knows where you stand. Or you can quit trying to date her and just befriend her. That goes over well, and then you can be pushy because friends can do that stuff. "geeze Rachael, you better hang with me this weekend or else i'm going to feed this bird to that snake" girls love that shit. lol just kidding. But seriously, just be friends with her to get to know her first, then try getting into her pants later.
08:58 PM on 01/10/13 
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jtresk26
Tambourine Jamboree
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Cedarburg, WI
Male - 22 Years Old
I have a lot of similarities to what you said about yourself. I'd say at least hang with her, but if it finally looks like she's blowing you off/ is a bad experience, move on. You won't know how it all goes until you guys hang out you know?
09:07 PM on 01/10/13 
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OurLadyCoolbean
False. Black bears.
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Seattle, WA
Male - 20 Years Old
In response to the mauve section of your post: There's no universal answer. Literally everyone's thoughts are different. Even recalling my own experiences, it's impossible to tell for each relationship because I can't accurately gauge what's in another person's mind.

In response to the bold section of your post: The friend zone does not exist. That cannot be stressed enough.
Fair enough. And I didn't necessarily mean friendzoned (yeah, I know that's what I said), just that I'd still want to be her friend if I didn't like her in a romantic way. Anyway, thanks for the response.

many guys overthink these things and all it does is stress us out more. If someone says "i didn't get your text" I always think the worst. But shit really does happen, maybe you thought you sent it but you really didn't/bad service etc. bottom line, let her come to you somehow. stop always being the one to initiate. She pretty much knows where you stand. Or you can quit trying to date her and just befriend her. That goes over well, and then you can be pushy because friends can do that stuff. "geeze Rachael, you better hang with me this weekend or else i'm going to feed this bird to that snake" girls love that shit. lol just kidding. But seriously, just be friends with her to get to know her first, then try getting into her pants later.
I feel like it's tricky with who initiates encounters, because half the girls you meet are like, "Well why didn't you go after me?" when you've practically been banging down their door. Haha idk
Also I'd say we are friends already, or at least were before the break. I feel like I've done a pretty good job of looking like I just have friend intentions, but then again what do I know
09:53 PM on 01/10/13 
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Sean Rizzo
Can you see evidence of perfection?
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Male - 23 Years Old
Staff Member
To answer the "How much of a relationship is in your head?" question, until you see some form of reciprocation you won't know for sure. Even if she says she doesn't want to date you, you still won't know why and she probably won't know why either. People can have extreme difficulty expressing and even understanding their own feelings and why they feel them.
11:05 PM on 01/10/13 
#8
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White
Tell me about your day, you slut.
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Orgasmville, NA
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Totally know where the OP is coming from. I was with this one girl for like 7 months, and we were super close. She was with me in my room virtually every single day. Once we'd parted ways, though, it was easy to see in retrospect that while we spent a lot of time together, she meant way more to more than I did to her. The thing that made me realize this is when I'd remembered she was the primary nurse looking after me in the mental hospital I'd spent 7 months in after developing schizophrenia following a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah. A lot of it was in definitely my head.
11:26 PM on 01/10/13 
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OurLadyCoolbean
False. Black bears.
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Seattle, WA
Male - 20 Years Old
Totally know where the OP is coming from. I was with this one girl for like 7 months, and we were super close. She was with me in my room virtually every single day. Once we'd parted ways, though, it was easy to see in retrospect that while we spent a lot of time together, she meant way more to more than I did to her. The thing that made me realize this is when I'd remembered she was the primary nurse looking after me in the mental hospital I'd spent 7 months in after developing schizophrenia following a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah. A lot of it was in definitely my head.

Lol'ed
06:34 AM on 01/11/13 
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jesse_hitz
Juice
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South Slocan
Male - 23 Years Old
Here is a solution for you bro, stop chasing this chick. Stop calling and texting her. Make it seem like your the one who is busy, and see if she calls or texts you. If not the girl isn't interested. By the sounds of it she ain't bud.
06:37 AM on 01/11/13 
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HarryPotter
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Hogwarts
Male - 27 Years Old
Totally know where the OP is coming from. I was with this one girl for like 7 months, and we were super close. She was with me in my room virtually every single day. Once we'd parted ways, though, it was easy to see in retrospect that while we spent a lot of time together, she meant way more to more than I did to her. The thing that made me realize this is when I'd remembered she was the primary nurse looking after me in the mental hospital I'd spent 7 months in after developing schizophrenia following a nervous breakdown.

So, yeah. A lot of it was in definitely my head.
while reading this i thought "is white finally being real???" and then i continued and your schtick continued aswell.
08:42 AM on 01/11/13 
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suicidalmoose
Lindsay let me kiss your forehead!
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Lisboa, Portugal
Male - 27 Years Old
To answer the "How much of a relationship is in your head?" question, until you see some form of reciprocation you won't know for sure. Even if she says she doesn't want to date you, you still won't know why and she probably won't know why either. People can have extreme difficulty expressing and even understanding their own feelings and why they feel them.

This. Girls are crazy (and so are men, actually). I remember when I started trying to hang out/date my current girlfriend and it was hard as hell. I had been with her many times, accompanied by a mutual friend who had set us up, and we got along really well. still, whenever I tried to arrange something, just me and her, she'd make up some excuse. Eventually I made it, through a lot of patience and romantic endeavours. Nowadays, when I ask her why she made up excuses back in the day, she says she doesn't know. She was probably afraid of god knows what, as she is afraid of a lot of things, as all of us are, most times because of a whole lot of reasons we're not aware of.

So good luck, ahah. Anyway my advice is ask her again a few days from now and see how it goes. don't give up but don't push it aswell.
11:30 AM on 01/11/13 
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Anthony Sorendino
Don't you dare ever give up...
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PA
Male - 24 Years Old
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She may be a bit nervous to hang out with you. Just keep giving her opportunities (occasionally, be casual about it), and if she doesn't take them, then it's her loss. She needs to meet you halfway if there's going to be anything in the future.
05:24 PM on 01/11/13 
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theonlyplace
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North Dakota
Female - 23 Years Old
For me, a lot of what happens in a "relationship" is in my head. Most of that is my fault due to my inability to express my feelings, even if they are strong, for a guy. Most of the time I can be absolutely head-over-heels for a dude and he may never find out because I'm scared to death to let him know for fear of rejection.

Word to the wise though...if a girl says she missed your text or your call and doesn't give a real reason as to why that contact was missed, most likely she is avoiding you. I know because I have done the same thing and it has happened to me. Maybe it's not the case with this girl, but I know from my own experience what it most likely means.
05:29 PM on 01/11/13 
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Sean Rizzo
Can you see evidence of perfection?
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Male - 23 Years Old
Staff Member
For me, a lot of what happens in a "relationship" is in my head. Most of that is my fault due to my inability to express my feelings, even if they are strong, for a guy. Most of the time I can be absolutely head-over-heels for a dude and he may never find out because I'm scared to death to let him know for fear of rejection.

Word to the wise though...if a girl says she missed your text or your call and doesn't give a real reason as to why that contact was missed, most likely she is avoiding you. I know because I have done the same thing and it has happened to me. Maybe it's not the case with this girl, but I know from my own experience what it most likely means.
Don't let yourself get head over heels before trying to date them or start a relationship. This will solve the rejection fear problem and it will also let things happen more organically between you instead of risking a big rift because of unrequited feelings. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Even if they aren't interested, letting them know might make it possible for that to change since knowing someone cares for you makes you look at them in a different way. People these days don't seem to understand that feelings don't just happen overnight, a lot of the time if someone doesn't have feelings for you you have to give them the time to think about the option of developing them. Hollywood has idealized the fantasy unrequited romance where both people liked each other but were oblivious to it, and naive kids tend to pay the price for it in their social lives.



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