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08:33 AM on 08/07/13
Ryan Gardner
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The Teeth
Tour Diary – Submission 1
August 3, 2013

As I sit here trying to find the words to describe the first week of tour, I’m finding it hard to breathe. Not from excitement or sheer anxiety, but from the smell. The god damned smell.

Try, if you will, to imagine a sweaty baby shitting in your gym shoes and that won’t even begin to touch the surface of the warm tones and even darker bolder aromas that fill the van on a daily basis.

Borat said it best. “There is a smell… it smells like shit.”

1 week in and tonight we are headed to Calgary in Alberta, Canada.

I usually exercise a much higher level of self-control with what enters my body, but this is just awful. I’m still incredibly self-aware that the McDoubles that put me in a coma for overnight driving shouldn’t have been immediately followed up with sausage burritos.

If you’ve seen us live you know we get a workout every show. We drink. A LOT. So, at the end of the night after loading gear and setting out on a 12+ hour drive, that balsamic vinaigrette salad isn’t fooling anyone. It won’t clean your insides any better than that pitcher of beer and fast food you just destroyed.
But I digress. After a week of heading from NY through St. Louis, MO and up to Idaho, Oregon and then Washington, we met up with our favorite dudes in The Greenery. And there was much rejoicing.

First show lineup with The Greenery and Seattle’s To the Wind. We couldn’t have asked for a better start.
After the first show and delving into some gnarly quesadillas from the Quesadilla Factory, tension was at an all-time high as we had to cross over into Vancouver for the next show.

On the way in, The Greenery gets pulled over for a broken tail light. No trouble there, but this would be the beginning of our many woes into the mighty nation that is Canada.

Stopped at the border and left to sweat over having a novelty Ghostbusters Ecto 1 plate and other miscellaneous background checks left us wondering how we’d make it to the next show in the US. Luckily, all was well and we were given the green light to pass through.

This is the part of the broadcast where they just cut to the highlight reel. So, here it is:
1. A van gets towed.
2. We slept in an unpaid parking spot directly in front of a police station for hours.
3. We got pulled over at a checkpoint and had to take a breathalyzer at 2:00am.
4. Awesome shows and great times with The Greenery.

Vancouver was a blast. Great show and great locals. We are unbelievably thankful for the situation we are currently in. The shows are only going to get better as we head into this week. Thanks for reading and don’t forget those baby wipes. Ever.

Joey Heid
Lead Vocalist of The Teeth
12:13 PM on 08/07/13
Ryan Gardner
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The Teeth's album Homewrecker came out August 14th of last year! Unless this is a re-release.. I think The Greenery have a new album coming in a few weeks though
Whoops thanks!

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