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The Defining Phrase - Chapter 3: Breakdown
|The Defining Phrase - Chapter 3: Breakdown|
11/17/08 at 05:29 AM by cassusriff
|Sunday morning. |
I woke up as if nothing had happened the night before. Shelby was like a dream. I felt like nothing had really happened. I was so exhausted. Partying two nights in a row, going to class Saturday morning, all these girls showing interest in me... it really was a new look for me.
Lizzy, being three hours ahead of me, had texted me good morning. I don't think I got up until 11am or so. Sunday is my only day to sleep in. Thank God I'm not religious.
I finally text Lizzy back. I keep pushing my new crush to the back of my mind. Things with Lizzy are real and great, Shelby is a distraction. Shelby is just me wanting to have someone here. I can handle long distance, especially with someone who gets me as well as Lizzy. Shelby doesn't know me remotely as well. And she's only 18. Lizzy is 20. Shelby is moving next year and so am I. Lizzy is moving to LA a bit after I plan to. This is all so confusing.
Lizzy is great. We are both watching football at the same time. Not together. Just at the same time. She and I had this goofy, overly cheesy relationship. It was a nice change for me, I guess. We would sing songs to each other over the phone or via video-chat. We said sweet things to each other almost all the time. Anytime I tried to talk about anything else, like politics or school, she would interrupt me and say I was handsome or something along those lines. Anyone else might find that cute, I found it annoying. Every time I started talking for an extended period, I felt like Lizzy was just thinking of the next thing she was going to say instead of listening and then responding to what I had to say. It was safe to say I didn't feel like I was being qualified a lot of the time. Maybe we had just been talking on the phone too much or our internet honeymoon period was ending and it was becoming a real relationship. We were about a week and half away from meeting. Things would improve after that, I knew it.
I don't remember much about that Sunday. I watched football and did my usual routine of taking care of cleaning and organizing before the new week started. Lizzy went to bed early that night because she had work early the next morning. I usually stay up late on Sunday night (like I am now) because I'm too used to the late weekend schedule. At around 2am, I go on Facebook to habitually check my stuff. I notice that Shelby has approved my friend request. I find that to be very awesome. I also notice that she approved this friend request only four minutes prior.
I immediately text her, "Are you still up?"
She texts back, "Yea... what's up?!"
We start texting for a bit. Just talking about whatever. I eventually tire of the texting and ask her if I can call. She happily responds yes. We start talking. Next thing I know, it's 4am. Maybe we can be friends. Maybe we can just be two people who connect in an amazing way and have feelings for each other but don't act on them. We talk about this. We talk about how we still can never be alone. We talk about everything and it is amazing and we have to convince ourselves to get off the phone.
Monday morning. I go to work. I'm tired, but jubilated. Lizzy texts me throughout the day as usual. Life is good, but stressful and tiring. I have so much shit to do before the trip. I'm behind on homework. I'm trying to get my classes figured out because I'm dropping Calculus but adding Political Science. I think about how I need to sell my book, and how I need to take care of getting money from the kid who hit my car so I can buy my new computer, and how I have Accounting later and need to do homework for that, and how I start more training soon at work. And bills, bills, bills. Life is stressing me out.
I get home and talk with Lizzy in between work and class. For whatever reason, we are in shitty moods. She has done this before, where she gets ridiculously moody and takes it out on me. I'm in no mood to deal with this. We get in a major fight. She tells me that she can't always be there for me and I need to rely on myself. She basically calls me needy and pathetic and unhappy with my life. She tells me that she is only saying these things cause she wants our relationship to work. I tell her that I was perfectly happy before she came along. I have nothing else to say to her at that point. I hang up.
She cries. She tells me off through a text about ging up on her. I call her back out of obligation. She's crying and telling me that I say such hurtful things. We struggle through the next hour. I try to calm her down. I talk about how I don't want to make her feel that way. How I wish I was a better guy to her. I try to muster up some tears to show some sincerety, but in all honesty I'm a bit freaked out. I go to class 30 minutes late and we decide to finish this talk later.
After class I call her but she's sleeping. She eventually wakes up and calls me back. We talk for a bit but she tells me to watch a video she sent me. She says it is different from any other video she has sent me before. Since we have pretty much made up at this point, I think that maybe this video is good or sexy or something.
She had recorded a 15 minute video of clips of her crying and talking on the phone with me. It completely freezes me. I want to jump out of my window. I don't know how to react. It is so overdramatic and out of hand. I call her back and still can't find many words. We try to make up but she continues to bite at every thing I say. Even when I say she is right, she bites at that. I try to just say goodnight and that we will be in better moods tomorrow and put this past us, but she responds negatively to that as well. We finally get off the phone.
I'm livid. I'm so angry. I go outside and talk to my brother Sean about how every girl is insane. I watch Heroes and How I Met Your Mother and my other typical Monday shows that I DVR.
I get the urge to text Shelby.
"How are you?" I say.
"I'm great! How about you?"
"I've had a shitty, terrible night..."
"Oh no! What's wrong? Wanna talk about it?"
I call Shelby. Nothing good can come of this. Especially since it is after midnight...
To Be Continued...