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Can't Stop Won't Stop
Confused....
01/13/09 at 11:09 AM by Underoath77vii
Currently Listening To: Brighten

Straight Up,

I didn't know what to say to you
I love having you there for me
You listen to my problems and give me advice
It's just the other things:

Sometimes I think we don't get along
You are stubborn and have an attitude
I can be an asshole and sarcastic

Sometimes saying I love you just can't solve the problem.

It's so hard not having you here and its emptiness fills my heart
Some days I am so depressed I don't know who to turn to
But you are there when I need you

The happiness is short lived
and I return to being surrounded by no one I can call a true friend when I'm away from home.

I don't know what you must think of me
some days I breakdown and you must think I'm crazy

I feel like I live in a world that is constantly judging me
and I have always been passionate about being myself
but I don't know if I should feel comfortable in my own skin
Will clothing, piercings, tattoos, or hairstyles really make a difference?

I don't know what I'm competing against
I just want to feel like I can be myself and not be judged
But unfortunately my passion consists of a stage, So I'll just play it out.

I struggle with my faith
some days I can live without it
but is there really someone else I can turn to?
I don't know what to do to find peace in myself.

I know these are my problems and I must live with them, but you need to know the things I struggle with.

I don't know if it is me or you.
I don't know if we are in love or if you are in love with someone else.
I can't help but read your conversations with other guys and still think you truly love me.

You call them cute or babe and then I return to my insecurities.
It just instills the thought of you with another that makes me crazy
I question you about it and you just think I can't trust you, but this is just my way of caring

Caring how much I should feel for you
Caring how much I should love you
Caring how much I should trust you
and caring if you still really love me cause saying it is pretty easy

I know we aren't "in a relationship"
and you can do what you want like I've told you
I won't ask the question
but it's getting to me now
before I could just shrug it off
but how am I supposed to when it's right in front of my eyes

I feel like you want attention that you're not getting from me
and will just go else where, where I can't find out

Your age was never a concern....3 years is no big deal
I just feel like sometimes you aren't as mature as you think you are
You seek attention by using the internet and that is something I don't do
You curse with no point and you say things that make no sense at all
Sometimes I feel like you take your anger out on me after a bad day instead of just a person to help you feel better

I won't sit here and be negative because I do love you
You're an amazing singer
Listen to me when I need someone to talk to
and are always there for me
I find myself constantly comparing you to other girls, but you win
You are an amazing person regardless
I see so many things in you that I love and I hope you see the same in me still

I don't know how to fix this.
How can you fix love?
are there changes to be made
or do we take a break
or do we go our separate ways?

I'm in love with this person
but the way we treat each other is terrible
our communication is getting worse
and all I can think about is when things were good.
We used to be so nice to one another and just hoped we could fall in love

Were we rushing things
or were we just to eager to say those words?
because everything has seemed to fall apart since then

It is the high expectations that go along with love that has gotten me into this mess
fighting is normal....on occasion
But everyday is another fight
and someone's fuse is waiting to be set off

At the end of the day I ask myself what is our love now based upon?
I need to know your feelings.
I need to know the truth.
How do you really feel about me?
How do you view things from your perspective?
Because this is nothing without you.

I wrote this out and I hope you can understand I needed to think this through.
This is the way I feel about you.
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College Part II
10/25/08 at 06:57 PM by Underoath77vii
Currently Listening To: Brand New

Let me start off by saying in no way shape or form do I like to judge, but those who have lived it know it.

I left for college in August in hopes of something new:
A fresh start and a new beginning.

I have nothing to complain about....I got both of those.....but am I content?...no.

The problem is that I can't relate.
I want something more than just beer and drugs.
I could care less about getting drunk with people I have nothing in common with....harsh, but true.
When there is nothing better to do why do we amount to such waste...?
I'm so much better on my own, but being alone is nothing anyone wants.

Of course the majority of people partake in these things (including me) only to ask ourselves why we did it.
But we are all hypocrites when we ask ourselves these things only to go out the next weekend and repeat.
I wish I knew the answers to these questions, but there isn't one.

The reality is it is hard to escape anything when you are surrounded by it.
You start to become what you don't want and you either become it or take yourself out of the game.

I know I don't belong here deep down.
I belong on the road.
I don't know what else I would do if I didn't have music.
I long for so many things, but this is all I ever need.
I'm just wasting time right now until something happens.....which is hopefully soon.
Tags: College, Music, Judgement, Reality, Waste
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College
08/25/08 at 08:37 PM by Underoath77vii
Currently Listening to: Hit The Lights......and still The Maine


I left without saying goodbye, I know.
I miss you to death and I don't know how to feel.
I wish I knew how to tell you how I feel
I want to fast forward my life and see where we would both be.
I feel like I'm being unfair to you....
I'm leaving and going away for a while
I can only hope you will let me "into your arms" someday
When life has direction and we know who we really are
Everyone of those songs has meaning and that's why I'm still listening
"I know you've got your life and I've got mine"
You knew me and the more I look, I cant find understanding
I left before it fell apart
I left before I hurt you
I left.
We are one in the same, but far apart
I can't hold you in my arms
I just want to call you home
But this isn't the end....
Tags: College
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Summer
07/15/08 at 05:39 PM by Underoath77vii
Currently Listening To: The Maine

What if everything we've been through was just leading up to now?
The past was just a portrait of our mistakes and lessons learned.
We may have thought we knew what love was but look at us now.
I never knew two people could share something so pure as we do.
You've taught me so much and to always be positive and to never take things for granted.
You could have easily written me off the first time we met and I'm so thankful for that.
The summer is slowly fading away and we can only hope our love doesn't as well.
Whenever I'm with you I'll take my chances because I never want to regret missing the opportunity to tell you how i feel.
You may never really know how much you mean to me and these words will stand the test of time even if our love does not.
There is so much more to know, see, and feel and I can only hope these things are shared with you.

Take me back to a time when I was young and naive
When I thought I knew who I was and where I was going
You came into my life and have changed all of that
I have new direction and greater aspirations for the future
There is always something to look forward to at the start of everyday
There is something calm and peaceful in the morning that makes me think of you, your beauty, and everything you have to offer
I couldn't ask for anything more
We are constantly striving to be better people
And to live our lives in the best way possible

I'm so thankful that you were not one to hold love back after past experiences
You've given me everything you have and I can see that
You've opened your heart to me and I have as well to you
I will always live for the moments when we can share our true passion for each other and the things we love


"....she has the most amazing.....smile"
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"The sound of Irony"
06/10/08 at 03:15 AM by Underoath77vii
Currently Listening To: Tela Flora

"Fashion is my middle name" by Tela Flora

When the sun sets early and the streetlights go on and you're still there to drive me home
And you know I just can't say it enough but I believe in you so much

And when you're gone I'll hold onto the closest thing
Believe me my dear it's the sound of irony
Suffocated by nervousness and lack of confidence but it won't happen again

With our fingers tangled and our eyes so perfectly aligned
So tell me what could go wrong

And when you're gone I'll hold onto the closest thing
Believe me my dear it's the sound of irony
Suffocated by nervousness and lack of confidence but it won't happen again

Believe me my dear
Nothing could go wrong


"5:30" by Ben Hughes

Why does love live so far away?
Fine dining on cheap wine and decay
Just when you least expect it she will get under your skin
Like needles in a haystack you won't know where to begin
What makes us feel this way?
Like leaving this town and running away.
The comfort of her touch can cure the deepest of wounds
On a summer morning when you hope to see her soon
The sun rises and she is not there
Because 300 miles is all i can "bear"
I pray that this will not fade away
and that our love can live to see the light of day

"Baseball" by Ben Hughes

There is only one chance for grace
You are my home base
When there is nothing left
You will be there
This isn't the world series
but only the playoffs
This isn't the big leagues
but only the minors
This isn't the game
but only the players
We can't stand it sometimes, but love the excitement
When we see our favorite players hit grand slams with the bases loaded
These bright lights won't fade away
Because this game will continue whether it is night or day
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Nothing is ever what it seems...
04/29/08 at 07:36 PM by Underoath77vii
Drop all your expectations at the door!

How many times have you romanticized about how a certain situation was to be played out and it didn't turn out anything like you had expected?

Fact: Things are never what they seem to be.

Honestly, I've fallen for this sooo many times. Everyone does it don't lie....for example, we look at someone's facebook or myspace and imagine what they are like based on looking at their pictures. We don't even know the person, but why do we think we do based on looking at photographs. Then from these photographs we create this own personality of what we think the person is really like and then we are often disappointed because that person isn't anything like we had imagined. The only person to blame is ourselves. It's all fake, myspace, facebook, etc., but still millions subscribe to it. Don't get me wrong pictures can say a lot, but that doesn't mean you know someone based on a picture.

That's just one honest example of expectations.

Set Your Goals says it well: "The only thing left to accept is to not except a hand from anyone"

Expectations...We have only ourselves to blame for the expectations we make.
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20 Dolla Bill
03/20/08 at 05:47 PM by Underoath77vii
So recently I have been influenced by the world around me, leading me to focus on the things that are important in my life. One of the things I've been wanting to do is start writing more.

Today was the first day of my spring break and i took it easy for the most part considering i have yet to catch up from loss of sleep due to school and a recent cold. I watched scarface for about the early afternoon of my day and played some guitar. Later I had to go to the library and return some books that would be overdue if I didn't return them by the end of the day. While I was there I checked out a book on the music business and another about music and the mind. On the way out of the library I walked out about 10 feet and saw a crumpled piece of paper and as I passed it I took a double take and right next to it was a crumpled piece of money. Logically I thought it was only a dollar because who ever gets lucky enough to find more than that, but i picked it up along with the piece of paper and it was $20. I then opened the piece of paper, which was a Safeway receipt to see if there was a name on it and there was. I had a few choices from there:

1. Take the money back inside to the library (the good Samaritan)

2. Call the person on the receipt to see if the money was theirs

3. Keep the money

I chose number 3.....but just hear me out before you write me off. If i had chose number 1 one of the librarians would have probably kept it because chances are they don't get paid that much and who returns money really anyway. Number 2 would have just been awkward. I had the person's name from the receipt, but to look them up in a phone book and call them about lost money just seemed too weird. So number 3 was my best bet.

So on the way home in the car I'm still contemplating what I should have done. Was my decision right? Should I call the person on the receipt? Out of nowhere as I come up to a stop sign in my neighborhood I see a little kid holding up a sign for donations for the Avon Walk for Breast Cancer. So out of spontaneity I give the money to the kid that I had found.

I DO NOT feel compelled to tell you this story because i did something good or something that was nice. But I would like to ask you this: How many times have you seen someone homeless on the streets asking for money? Most likely everyone has experienced this and for the most part most people would just keep driving and ignore them. Now I'm not saying every time you see someone who is homeless you should help them, but think about this for a second. We all learn through our experiences in life and we should never take life for granted as well. Now if I TRULY NEEDED that money in the first place I probably would have kept it for myself, but today I learned something.

I didn't think twice when giving away that money. I knew it was going to a good cause. But it was that one second I didn't think about myself and I thought about someone else that really taught me something.
Tags: $20, 20, Dolla, Bill
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Introduction
03/20/08 at 04:48 PM by Underoath77vii
To whom it may concern:

In an attempt to express myself I have started this blog. Feel free to read as you please. Your comments and feedback are greatly appreciated. These are just my thoughts, feelings, and emotions. You might not agree with them and they might not be in your best opinion or interest, but before you're so quick to judge another keep all negativity to yourself.

Thank You
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Last Updated: 01/13/09 (2,178 Views)
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