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| Lueda Alia's Journal
| | Guilt |
I have come to the conclusion that guilt is the worst and most painful thing that humans can experience. I was reading an article earlier and I kept thinking of experiences that people I know have been through, as well as personal ones, and it made me realize that guilt is the most painful emotion that I have ever felt, more so than heartbreak and betrayal. I think humans are capable of getting over anything, despite how difficult it may be (such as the loss of a loved one, for example), but guilt is so much harder to cope with or get over. I think this happens because with almost anything else, it's easy to point fingers at other people or circumstances and make them seem responsible for whatever happened. How do you cope with the fact that you are actually the awful person? It's hard to judge yourself the same way that you would someone else; it's hard to think of yourself as the "villain." I'm sure there are people out there who have no issues with this, but in general, people do not want to be thought of or seen as such by others, and especially by themselves. Forgiveness is difficult, and it becomes even more difficult when you need to give it to yourself.
Perfection is impossible, but it's hard to understand certain "fuck ups," and why we make insanely huge mistakes - often unprovoked. Are we really just drawn to misery? I'm almost starting to believe that it's human nature to want to suffer, or to see other people suffer. The latter seems to cause some twisted sense of superiority within most people; to know that you have the power to affect someone else tremendously is something that most people want to be capable of - it makes one feel important. Why does feeling this way make it easier to accept guilt in return for such actions?
Perhaps asking why this occurs is the wrong question. Sometimes you just have to stop questioning why things happened the way they did and simply accept the fact that they did happened. Continuously asking yourself why will only cause more pain, so I suppose that answers my question above. I don't know if it's possible to figure out why we are so drawn to actions that lead to guilt. Maybe we really are just drawn to misery, after all. Or maybe we just choose to have a peace of mind temporarily in order to avoid feeling guilt, and thus we get to still feel superior.
This was meant to be a two sentence post for the Drunk thread, but I found myself getting carried away as I'm sitting on campus before I go work on another psychology research study. I suppose I may just be bored. One more hour to go. | | Tags: guilt, ramblings |
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