i have not no, who is he?
I know that you are trying to take in all these things we are saying to you. And I know how hard it is to actually 'get' them. It's easy to understand something, but it's another thing to really get it. I have been depressed and suicidal throughout high school and not that long ago I confessed that to my family. Keeping a healthy strong bond with your family is extremely important. I only realized that now. I thought that the depression and contentment with my loneliness were just a part of me and who I am. And I was okay with that. But I shouldn't have been. Because now I see that that was not at all who I really am and I discovered I am a genuinely happy person. I am now in the best place in my life I have been so far. What I am trying to say to you is that you shouldn't let something drag you along that you feel is not 'right.' Just have contact with people, it may be difficult at first and you may have to force yourself, but soon it will become much easier and you won't regret that you tried. Also, people are going to start to contact you more when they will see you want to socialize more.
Or, the alternative, you can try taking MDMA. Me and a few friends took it about two weeks ago and it really helped a friend of mine who was in a similar situation you are in right now. If you don't let your mind drift off, it can help you see things from perspective and that really helps. For me, I kind of figured these things out by myself and through various experiences, so it was really just a fun time and I didn't 'discover' anything new. But it can help.
I really hope you will get out of where you are now. You can PM me anytime if you want to talk.
Thanks man, this is some good stuff. As far as contact goes, i only know 4 decent people around my town now, and they all have their own stuff going on so i am more often than not the one contacting & waiting around for them...
And the mdma - i was literally the only one of my friendship group in high school (literally 30+ people) who DIDNT experiment with drugs & i kinda massively regret that!!!
I know where you're at man, I really do. I spent much of my life trying to be anybody other than who I was, and that has taken its toll for damn sure. The best advice I can give you is to be honest with yourself, and then be proud of all the things that you find out about yourself through that honesty. If you're trying to live up to the world's expectations of you, you'll get lost in the haze and overlook all the great things about yourself that you may have never noticed.
im definitely one of those guys that puts way too much emphasis on what other people think of me. Also i hold on to every little negative thing that comes my way and me focusing on that has made it almost impossible to see past my faults & see what im good at
im def gonna try that whole be honest with myself thing though, so thanks.