AbsolutePunk.net
   Username
Password
 
Share
06:27 AM on 03/26/13 
#1
Offline
User Info.
PandaBear!
\m/ (-.-) \m/
PandaBear!'s Avatar
The Mountains, UK
Male - 27 Years Old
I wont bore you with the details (read: 'im not confident in sharing the details' lol) but basically my levels of self confidence are fucking below zero; like, non-existent. They've been steadily declining for a good few years now but in the past 6 months they have plummeted so fucking hard.

Anyone got any tips on how to get myself out of this? How to get confidence/courage back, or how to get it when you've probably never had it ever? I know what i'm setting myself up for here but any help would truly be appreciated...
06:49 AM on 03/26/13 
#2
Offline
User Info.
a speedo model
an enthusiast
a speedo model's Avatar
Chicago, IL
Male - 28 Years Old
It is difficult to tackle without knowing specifics. IT is important to find the root of the lack of confidence. Is it something specific or just a general uneasiness? You should surround yourself with good people. Honestly, people who do not judge and where you can slowly realize your input is valued just as much as everyone.

Hope this helps...
08:02 AM on 03/26/13 
#3
Offline
User Info.
suicidalmoose
Lindsay let me kiss your forehead!
suicidalmoose's Avatar
Lisboa, Portugal
Male - 28 Years Old
Maybe it's lack of sex. Are you in captivity? I heard pandas can't have sex while in captivity so that must be it.
08:46 AM on 03/26/13 
#4
Offline
User Info.
tottivillarossi
these pretzels are makin me thirsty
tottivillarossi's Avatar
West Midlands, UK
Male - 25 Years Old
Maybe it's lack of sex. Are you in captivity? I heard pandas can't have sex while in captivity so that must be it.
See, I was going to say ask if it's the lack of confidence that's causing the Pandas to not seks well thus driving them to extinction.
09:29 AM on 03/26/13 
#5
Offline
User Info.
Crackbaby
bloomtap.bandcamp.com
Crackbaby's Avatar
Slovenia
Male - 22 Years Old
Just hanging out with people helps a lot. If you don't have anything to do, just call up a friend, you don't need a reason to hang out. Just don't always stay home by yourself. That just makes things worse and creates problems that weren't even there in the first place and it makes you over-think, which is never good. Talking to other people (not only on the internet) is important. Hope this can help.
10:35 AM on 03/26/13 
#6
Offline
User Info.
drat!
How much cheese is too much cheese?
drat!'s Avatar
PA
Male - 28 Years Old
I was weird about talking to girls until a female was in the shop I was in and I was forced to talk to her. So talking to people helps.
11:52 AM on 03/26/13 
#7
Offline
User Info.
PandaBear!
\m/ (-.-) \m/
PandaBear!'s Avatar
The Mountains, UK
Male - 27 Years Old
thanks guys - but it feels like i'm woefully underprepared for life in general; like i don't know something important that everybody else knows, or like i'm missing the point or something.
I guess i do shut myself off quite a bit (the few friends i have atm seem to just do fuck all with their time & never want to hang out/ drink loads of alcohol with me lol) but 'getting out there' just seems so difficult atm as firstly i can barely converse with my own family half the time and secondly i cannot find any new people to be around that dont make me feel like the loser outsider cause theyre so clique-ey, or their so arrogant/obnoxious that i dont like being around them (i stopped doing one of the few hobbies i had because of the latter).

i gots no direction in life + no-one to talk to about the fact i have no direction in life lol. I cant seem to pinpoint my skills/strengths as a person & cant seem to shake the belief that im one of life's weaklings who just wont 'make it'...
12:39 PM on 03/26/13 
#8
Offline
User Info.
suicidalmoose
Lindsay let me kiss your forehead!
suicidalmoose's Avatar
Lisboa, Portugal
Male - 28 Years Old
See, I was going to say ask if it's the lack of confidence that's causing the Pandas to not seks well thus driving them to extinction.

I think you are definitely on to something.

thanks guys - but it feels like i'm woefully underprepared for life in general; like i don't know something important that everybody else knows, or like i'm missing the point or something.
I guess i do shut myself off quite a bit (the few friends i have atm seem to just do fuck all with their time & never want to hang out/ drink loads of alcohol with me lol) but 'getting out there' just seems so difficult atm as firstly i can barely converse with my own family half the time and secondly i cannot find any new people to be around that dont make me feel like the loser outsider cause theyre so clique-ey, or their so arrogant/obnoxious that i dont like being around them (i stopped doing one of the few hobbies i had because of the latter).

i gots no direction in life + no-one to talk to about the fact i have no direction in life lol. I cant seem to pinpoint my skills/strengths as a person & cant seem to shake the belief that im one of life's weaklings who just wont 'make it'...

Unfortunately I don't have any wise advice to give, but listen, I was wondering, did you ever read Charles Bukowski?
12:48 PM on 03/26/13 
#9
Offline
User Info.
lp670sv
Go Sabres
lp670sv's Avatar
Buffalo, NY
Male - 23 Years Old
Grow a pair
12:57 PM on 03/26/13 
Offline
User Info.
Crackbaby
bloomtap.bandcamp.com
Crackbaby's Avatar
Slovenia
Male - 22 Years Old
I know that you are trying to take in all these things we are saying to you. And I know how hard it is to actually 'get' them. It's easy to understand something, but it's another thing to really get it. I have been depressed and suicidal throughout high school and not that long ago I confessed that to my family. Keeping a healthy strong bond with your family is extremely important. I only realized that now. I thought that the depression and contentment with my loneliness were just a part of me and who I am. And I was okay with that. But I shouldn't have been. Because now I see that that was not at all who I really am and I discovered I am a genuinely happy person. I am now in the best place in my life I have been so far. What I am trying to say to you is that you shouldn't let something drag you along that you feel is not 'right.' Just have contact with people, it may be difficult at first and you may have to force yourself, but soon it will become much easier and you won't regret that you tried. Also, people are going to start to contact you more when they will see you want to socialize more.

Or, the alternative, you can try taking MDMA. Me and a few friends took it about two weeks ago and it really helped a friend of mine who was in a similar situation you are in right now. If you don't let your mind drift off, it can help you see things from perspective and that really helps. For me, I kind of figured these things out by myself and through various experiences, so it was really just a fun time and I didn't 'discover' anything new. But it can help.

I really hope you will get out of where you are now. You can PM me anytime if you want to talk.
03:56 PM on 03/26/13 
Offline
User Info.
otherfuzz
this plane is definitely crashing
otherfuzz's Avatar
Neptune
Male
I know where you're at man, I really do. I spent much of my life trying to be anybody other than who I was, and that has taken its toll for damn sure. The best advice I can give you is to be honest with yourself, and then be proud of all the things that you find out about yourself through that honesty. If you're trying to live up to the world's expectations of you, you'll get lost in the haze and overlook all the great things about yourself that you may have never noticed.
04:37 PM on 03/26/13 
Offline
User Info.
PandaBear!
\m/ (-.-) \m/
PandaBear!'s Avatar
The Mountains, UK
Male - 27 Years Old
Unfortunately I don't have any wise advice to give, but listen, I was wondering, did you ever read Charles Bukowski?

i have not no, who is he?

I know that you are trying to take in all these things we are saying to you. And I know how hard it is to actually 'get' them. It's easy to understand something, but it's another thing to really get it. I have been depressed and suicidal throughout high school and not that long ago I confessed that to my family. Keeping a healthy strong bond with your family is extremely important. I only realized that now. I thought that the depression and contentment with my loneliness were just a part of me and who I am. And I was okay with that. But I shouldn't have been. Because now I see that that was not at all who I really am and I discovered I am a genuinely happy person. I am now in the best place in my life I have been so far. What I am trying to say to you is that you shouldn't let something drag you along that you feel is not 'right.' Just have contact with people, it may be difficult at first and you may have to force yourself, but soon it will become much easier and you won't regret that you tried. Also, people are going to start to contact you more when they will see you want to socialize more.

Or, the alternative, you can try taking MDMA. Me and a few friends took it about two weeks ago and it really helped a friend of mine who was in a similar situation you are in right now. If you don't let your mind drift off, it can help you see things from perspective and that really helps. For me, I kind of figured these things out by myself and through various experiences, so it was really just a fun time and I didn't 'discover' anything new. But it can help.

I really hope you will get out of where you are now. You can PM me anytime if you want to talk.

Thanks man, this is some good stuff. As far as contact goes, i only know 4 decent people around my town now, and they all have their own stuff going on so i am more often than not the one contacting & waiting around for them...

And the mdma - i was literally the only one of my friendship group in high school (literally 30+ people) who DIDNT experiment with drugs & i kinda massively regret that!!!

I know where you're at man, I really do. I spent much of my life trying to be anybody other than who I was, and that has taken its toll for damn sure. The best advice I can give you is to be honest with yourself, and then be proud of all the things that you find out about yourself through that honesty. If you're trying to live up to the world's expectations of you, you'll get lost in the haze and overlook all the great things about yourself that you may have never noticed.

im definitely one of those guys that puts way too much emphasis on what other people think of me. Also i hold on to every little negative thing that comes my way and me focusing on that has made it almost impossible to see past my faults & see what im good at

im def gonna try that whole be honest with myself thing though, so thanks.
06:24 PM on 03/26/13 
Offline
User Info.
Ollie McKraut
Registered Member
Ollie McKraut's Avatar
Male - 24 Years Old
Uhh don't self-treat your personality issue with ecstasy. Worst advice.
07:06 PM on 03/26/13 
Offline
User Info.
open mind
bastard on parade
No Avatar Selected
anchorage
Male - 33 Years Old
It seems like it'd be pretty ineffective and kinda silly, but just thinking good thoughts about yourself on a regular basis has been shown to help with this sort of thing. Not just in a touchy feely way either, your brain actually changes on a biological level if you do it properly and stick with it long enough.
http://maddieruud.hubpages.com/hub/Self-Affirmations
11:34 PM on 03/26/13 
Offline
User Info.
ChristopherBear
Registered User
ChristopherBear's Avatar
Yokohama
Male
IABIM by (1M)

write this as a goal EVERYDAY for 1 month. anywhere. notebook/journal whatever

"I always believe in myself" by (the date 1 month from now)

subconciously you'll work toward that goal and hopefully believe in yourself and get in that habit by a month from now

try it out!

hope it works out for you
you're young



NEWS, MUSIC & MORE
Search News
Release Dates
Exclusives
Best New Music
Articles
CONNECT
Submit News
Forums
Contests
Mobile Version
AP.net Logos
HIDDEN TREASURES
AbsolutePunk Podcast
Free Music
Sports Forum
Technology Forum
Recommendations
INFORMATION
Advertising
Contact Us
Copyright Policy
Terms of Service
Privacy Policy
FOLLOW
Twitter | Facebook | RSS
AP.net Podcast on iTunes
AP.net Podcast on Overcast
AP.net on Tumblr
Chorus.fm | @jason_tate