I can't cry. I let it out a bit more yesterday when talking to my sister about him but I feel guilty for not crying. I love him and he cared a lot about me. We were not quite as close in the last few years because I was ashamed of my thoughts (the stuff I post about here) and depressed so I distanced myself from everyone. That was a huge mistake. I wish we could have spent more time together. Fuck, FUCK. I feel empty and it's fucking bizarre to think that he's gone.